Archive for the Music Reviews Category

Kenya At 50 : I Only Celebrate The Music

Posted in Alkahol, Hip Hop, Music, Music Reviews, Women on December 5, 2013 by Saliva Vic

Me niko nje/ me na ko-ko-ko-ko-kopa finje! – Toshi of Nannoma

This year on the 12th of Drinkcember my beautiful land, the 254 turns 50 years old. It’s been 50 years since the Brits said, “Have it! Govern yourselves.” It’s been 50 years of the 254 progressing then regressing at the same damn time. It’s been 50 years of the economy being fucked the fuck up while mathrees got free wi-fi. The only thing I will be celebrating this year is the music.

Kenyan music like all music globally swims in a pool of mediocrity courtesy of a bunch of non-talented fucks who get all the airplay because humanity is stupid & has no taste! However, there are artists who won’t settle for less than the best & I salute them today. So. Without further nonsense. Let me do this.


While lesser artists like Bamboo left the 254 to go to the States, Eric Wainaina came back from Berklee to build what he & his former group Five Alive had started which was making incredible music! Eric is one of those artists who doesn’t know how to write bad songs. His albums just get better with the best being the latest “Love + Protest”. Dude has mastered the art of being conscious without sounding self righteous & when he writes even about love it’s definitely something you can relate to! Like this “Mariana” song that me & my ex cried to at Blankets & Wine because truth.


Kenya’s first boy band. But a boy band with soul. I remember watching these kids before the fame, singing there asses off at Alliance Francaise & I knew they would be taking over the 254. My favorite album remains their first “Mwanzo” which is such a feel good album if you listen to it & get angry at the world, you have no soul. My favorite record has to be “Blue Uniform” which reminds me of the Moi days when we would be harassed by cops when heading to Jay Kay’s! Wololo!


The first time I listened to Dela she was talking & I remember thinking to myself that she had a sexy voice. Then a few weeks later I bought her first album, Paukwa & she blew my mind. This girl is amazingly talented & an incredible performer. She is an artist you pay to watch on stage & get more than your money’s worth. My favorite record is her collabo with Sauti Sol that must be played at my wedding, Mama Papa.


Rap music is garbage. Ok. Not always. It was dope in the 90s but has kept sinking as the years progressed. Kenyan rap is no different. However this group of Kenyan rappers gave us Kalamashaka, Mashifta, Wakamba Wawili, Wenyeji & the most famous Juliani. My favorite album from these dudes has to be Kilio Cha Haki which is a wonderfully written story about life in the slum. My favorite jam doe has to be what I think should be the anthem of Kenya at 50, Angalia Saa.


This dude calls himself the Prince of Benga. That’s a huge title akin to Weezy’s “Best Rapper Alive” which is a fallacy. But Dan has lived up to the hype. His latest album , “Made In Kenya” is a testament to this. He has a way of putting soul into benga & making you feel like you’re listening to Okatch Biggy & Raphael Saddiq at the same damn time. My favorite jam has to be “An E Yo” which is dholuo for “I’m on the way”. Love it!


What can I say about her? Rapper, Singer, Drummer, Original Bauss Lady, Fashionista! Muthoni breaks all the rules. She doesn’t follow trends & refuses to be pigeon holed. Her music will make you angry, happy, sad at the same damn time.  Her album “The Human Condition” remains a favorite but I really, really like her new shit! Like this Nairobian anthem that’s so real you laugh when you think of how the lyrics describes your life in Nairobi!


This is my favorite band in Africa! They only come second to Arctic Monkeys when I think globally! These guys are the kings of original. Watching them live is electrifying & listening to their albums is mind blowing! I am even afraid to say that “Scratch To Reveal” is my favorite album coz the others, “82” & “Sorry For The Delay” are special to me in their own way. Just A Band’s success should be studied in universities under a course called “Dare To Be Different. Dare To Be Original”. My favorite jam is even hard to pick yo! For the love of EDM I go with “Forever People”.

With that said, honorable mentions to Diana Nduba, Nanjira Sambuli, Lady Karun, Sage, Sara Mitaru & Fena Gitu who still haven’t reached album status but drop incredible music each time they come out! Shout out to Musyoka who is Kenya’s best producer, Wawesh who’s another incredible producer & Dillie who is changing the game right now with his beats! Big up Tedd Josiah for blazing the trail.

Shout out to DJ Adrian who made me love music as a teen watching him turn tables in Westie, Pinye for making me believe you can do anything & DJ John for every kid he gave a shot & made it in this game.

I might not have money in my pockets, water in the crib & electricity to light up the road but what I always have is the music in my head. Thanks guys. Keep making & playing good music.



MMLP2 – Eminem Album Review

Posted in Alkahol, Hip Hop, Music, Music Reviews, Uncategorized, Women on November 1, 2013 by Saliva Vic

Why be a king  when you can be a god – Eminem


Needless to say Eminem is pretty much the best rapper outchea after my man Andre 3000. The dude has decided to make a follow up to what is his greatest album, the Marshall Mathers LP with Marshall Mathers LP 2 which I have highly anticipated & prayed it doesn’t disappoint. Without further nonsense let’s go in!


Marshall is planning to kill someone. I think it’s a chick. But the hook is a girl singing about what must be Eminem hating how bad ass he has been. This beat is so fucking dope! The beauty about Eminem is how well he tells a story. A gift very few rappers possess. Okay, he’s about to kill the chick. No. Wait! This is the sequel to Stan. Matthew the kid bro is killing Eminem. But really this is Em killing himself. This is classic MPD. Stan even makes an appearance on this! The beat switches as Em dies, Marshall beasts at the end explaining how Stan & Matthew are metaphors for his conscience & shit. This is Eminem’s quasi apology for all the hateful lyrics he spit in his early years. I know that feeling. I still hate Frank Ocean’s music. Quotable: Tragic/ potrait of an artist/ tortured/ trapped in his own drawings/ tappin the thoughts blacker & darker than anything imaginable.


This sounds like a follow up to the robbery on “Criminal” from MMLP. Not that interesting. Car chase, break down, suicide.


Oh shit!! I know the sample! The Zombies “Time of the season”. I love this! He says hip hop ain’t dying on his watch! He literally saves hip hop with just one bar! I love that he says that rappers best stay clear of him. Have you ever noticed that no one ever goes for Eminem except for lames like Benzino & Canibus who he slaughtered! Dude may be 40 years old but still has daddy issues! This is a song for people like me who will never grow up! Quotable: I still am a criminal/ 10 year old degenerate grabbing on my genitals/ the last Mathers LP done went diamond this time I predict that this one will go emerald!


You know Em has to take a jab at the women. Kim broke the kids heart years ago & the world knows it. Eminem wishes death on a chick who cheated on him with a gang of rappers. This jam has some sick lines like “I’m only driving drunk coz that bitch drove me to drink” see what he did there? and I’ll never say the L word again/ I L/ L/ L/ L/ LESBIAN! ROFLMAO! This is the best song to listen to after you catch your girl cheating! Quotable: I got 99 problems & a bitch ain’t one/ she’s all 99 of em I need a Michelin gun/ I take em all out!


This is the one from that video game “Call of Duty” but still. This is Eminem in his battle rapper mode. This to me feels like a response to Kendrick’s “Control” verse. Rap is a constant battle & it’s survival for the fittest. At 40 & with two horrible albums to make up for Marshall goes hard even criticizing his own self ! Dope as fuck! Quotable: Will I survive in this climate or what/ they said I was washed up & got a blood bath/ I’m not a rapper I am an adapter I can adjust/ plus I can just walk up to a mic & buss/ so floors open if you’d like to discuss/ top 5 in this muhfucka & if I don’t make the cut/ like I give a fuck/ I’ma light this bitch up like I’m driving a truck!  Sidebar: The entire third verse is a quotable!


I hate that title coz I hate Subarus. I hate Subarus coz Subaru drivers are assholes. Let’s see if this sucks like it’s name. Oh shit! From jump I love this! It’s about people like us. People who are different. When he says “Why am I so differently wired am I a martian/ what kind of twisted experiment am I involved in/ coz I don’t belong in this world that’s why I’m scoffin at/ authority/ defy it often”! Marshall made a song for the crazy kids, the weird kids, the bullied kids, the special ones! Polina killed it on the hook! I realize now that this album can only be appreciated by people with issues! On the 3rd verse he makes you realize it’s cool to be different, it’s a gift!


This has to be good! I love Skylar Grey & Alex Da Kid produced this so it can’t suck! Oh snap! I can totally relate. When I started doing my radio show, “The Riot” everyone thought I’m an asshole to the point that I got threats! Then you feel sick inside. Eminem is regretting his earlier work but he still stands by what he said coz it was his opinion! Skylar sings rather mockingly that everybody knows Em is an asshole. Hahaha! Eminem says he will never fall in love & the only women he loves are his daughters! Quotable: Thanks for the support asshole.

By the way. This album is loooooooong! None of the songs are below 5 minutes yo!


This is the first single. This is a jam made for 80s babies. The Beastie Boys sample takes me back to Krush Groove & Beat Street. This is a go nuts & jump around screaming like a white girl type record. The lyrics aren’t amazing but dudes flow is nice plus I love it when Eminem screams on a record. Reminds me of Axl Rose from GNR. With that said, skip!


Whoa! I thought “Survival” was a response to Kendrick’s “Control” verse, now this is Eminem shitting on all of hip hop! Andre 3K needs to stop sewing clothes & drawing cartoons & come with some heat to burn this dude! This jam is 6 minutes of fucking awesome! 6 minutes Slim Shady you’re on & you killed it on DVLP’s beat! Shout to the Doe Boyz for this beat by the way! Hahhahaaa! Eminem disses using “Lookin Boy” which makes me think of Omarion & Raz B being molested by Chris Stokes. Quotable: I make elevating music/ you make elevator music!


Oh Oh. I smell something shady. Slim Shady. This is head nod music. I love the beat. Em raps that “Mama used to say if you had a brain you’d be dangerous”. Ha! This is the angry white kid from 13 years ago. This song isn’t that good now that I have been listening to it for three minutes. I know why. It reminds me of The Eminem Show.


I sense Eminem is about to be in his feelings again. Oh shit! The beats are epic! Marshall is singing like Drake. Yep! This is a song about heartbreak. Gosh! How many times have I felt like this? Like my last heartbreak, when she left me I felt like death but once I was done crying I felt stronger! The rap part is insanely sick! Everyone who has ever been heartbroken must listen to this song!


First off shout out to my future wife, Robyn! Clearly Eminem understands that if he has to make a song for the radio but still keep it real he needs to get Rihanna on it just like he did with “Love The Way You Lie”. Let’s see what’s in store. OH MY GOD! THIS SONG IS FUCKING EPIC! I’m crying for real! Robyn sings “I’m friends with the monster that’s under my bed/ get along with the voices inside of my head/ you trying to save me stop holding your breathe/ you think I’m crazy but that’s not fair!” This is the story of my life! By the way if this song doesn’t go to number 1 worldwide, people suck! I listened to this song three times & I don’t have a quotable. That Rihanna hook, wah!


Hmmmm…This is a rock classic! Marshall has sampled Life’s Been Good by Joe Walsh yo! You start to sing along then realize Eminem has changed the words! Still this is fucking awesome. I’m sure Rick Rubin is the man behind Eminem sampling these rock classics! This is a jam about the downside of fame! Hahahaaa! Eminem is hilarious! He describes a fan asking for his autograph on a napkin while he’s taking a shit so he wipes his ass with it & says “Todd, You’re the shit”. Geezus! The production on this song is incredible! Quotable: Turned 40 & I still sag!


This is the song all rap fans have waited for. King Kendrick meets God Eminem. Let’s see how it goes. Hahahaha! It’s about a girl he falls in love with but is actually an industry whore! LOL Kendrick is rapping about Sherane cheating on him! Woi! K Dot imitating Sherane says “You should eat it when I’m on my period”. Props Kendrick he tried to murder Eminem & his verse is better than Marshall’s first verse but that third verse Eminem resurrects & buries Kendrick. The storytelling is amazing, Em spits with so much detail you picture the entire scene! Fuck! Best verse ever! Plus I can relate! Quotable: Her voice was hoarser than Tori Spelling’s face! (See what he did there?) Sidebar: Isn’t this the same sample from De La Soul’s “My Brother’s A Basehead”?


We all love Nate Reuss so I’m sure we’re in store for awesome! Oh shit! This song is about Debbie, Marshall’s mother. Whoa! That hook is gut wrenching, Only Nate could have sang this hook. Eminem is facing his biggest demon, his fucked up relationship with his mom. I never knew his brother Nathan was taken away by social services. This is a huge apology, he even says he no longer performs “Cleaning Out My Closet” at shows & hates it being on the radio. Em still makes jokes in between what is the saddest song on the album. That hook is so eerie doe! CLASSIC!


Oh oh. Slim Shady’s back on this one. This jam is on battle mode! Check out this pun “You done called every woman a slut but you forgot Sarah, Marshall”! BOOM! That’s why he’s a rap god. Dude is clever with his lines unlike these other bums! Eminem is so cocky on this shit. He listens to his old albums so that he can keep up with the competition?  Geezus! He just made me laugh at Heath Ledger’s death! Quotable: Fuck top 5 bitch/ I’m top 4/ that includes Biggie & Pac whore/ and I got an evil twin so who you think that 3rd & 4th spot’s for! 

Evil Twin

Done! Guess what I’m singing. “Guess who’s back/ back again/ Shady’s back/ tell a friend!” Yaaaaaaas! Marshall doesn’t disappoint as he did on his last 2 albums. This is a classic album! This is his best work in years! Plus he has entered the league of rappers who make real people music like Tyler The Creator, Mac Miller, Macklemore, Kendrick Lamar & Earl Sweatshirt. If you like ratchet rap, party music or conscious hip hop this is not for you. This is for anyone that has been fucked by life, been through pain, has fought to be accepted & succeeded at embracing their demons.

Thank you Eminem for bringing back music that makes sense.


Nothing Was The Same – Drake Album Review

Posted in Alkahol, Hip Hop, Music, Music Reviews, Women on September 23, 2013 by Saliva Vic

Mafucka never loved us – Drake


I have never liked the girl Drake. I kinda fux with So Far Gone but I have always found Drake to be a disappointment like J Cole. Dope on mixtapes but wack on albums. Well, Drake is on his third album & I must say I am shocked! Why? Let’s go in.



This is the intro. I  love the sample. 40 did his thang. I like his cockiness on this record! This is what J Cole lacks. Hahahaa! “Degenerates but even Ellen loves our shit!”. The beat switches up. Not like Kendrick, the switch is subtle. Oh oh! Dude just said he doesn’t talk to Nicki Minaj & that he’s shopping for a new deal! Whoa! The beat switches up again! 40 is on some crazy shit. This intro is long. Sounds like an outro but it’s dope!


I already love this from the first four bars! The hook is even iller! “Furthest thing from perfect like everyone I know”. He’s singing on this & it reminds me of one of the reasons I like Drake. When he sings, he fucking sings! Oh oh! The beat switches up to some vintage Just Blaze shit & the kid raps! I wish he would have rapped longer on this beat! DOPE!


Of course one of my favorite jams of 2013. I love that he kept it real on this. Drake didn’t come from the streets but he’s been working since he was a kid, shooting Degrassi & then as a rapper. While Big Sean stays humble about the come up, Drake stays cocky. This is why Drake will be a king, humility is cool for the fans but in rap the bad guy always wins. DOPE!


This has to be one of 40’s best beats ever! I like the “It’s Yours” sample. Drake is talmbout a dendai who let him own the vagina! In the second verse his tone changes. Reminds me of this girl I knew called Jackee. He throws a subaru at Breezy, “I just like the rush when you see your enemy somewhere in the club & you realize that he’s not in a position to reciprocate yo energy”. LMAO!


It picks up from Wu-Tang Forever. He’s singing. Whoa! I love this! The lyrics bana! “Next time we fuck, I don’t wanna fuck I wanna make love/ Next time we talk I don’t wanna just talk I wanna trust/ Next time I stand tall I wanna stand tall for you/ Next time I spend I want it all to be for you!” This makes me think of Renee. I like this album. Music is supposed to make you feel & I’m catching feelings maaaad you guy! Dude spits at the end about niggaz talking more than bitches. Must be talking about Lil Wayne.


Oh oh! This song was written for me. Drake is bitching about how I never loved his shit but now he’s on top! “They used to never wanna hear us! Remember? Mafucka!” This is such a turn up record yo! He just stays repeating, “Mafucka never loved us”. I love it. He makes another Wu-Tang Clan reference “Bitch you better have my money like ODB!” Oh oh! He’s quoting Ma$e’s verse from Mo Money Mo Problems! 


This is the obligatory jam for the bitches that every rap album must have! Jhene is killing it! This reminds me of Wanjeri & Nana. The selfish decisions you regret later. The kid raps on this one. I think as much as I relate to this jam, it’s a very forgettable record. Is that his dad vibing at the end? I love how personal this song is, I have never heard Drizzy talk about his pops before this.


The song that Rihanna made famous through her tweets. I love this jam & it sounds better on the album. Drizzy is always at his best when he sings. This is the way you chipo a dendai, by making her feel that she’s doing you a favour while kissing her ass & making her feel like a princess. DOPE!


I love this from jump! The beat is so dope! I think 40 should get grammy for Producer of the year! This is sick! Drizzy is talmbout hooking up with a dendai he connects with. The line about letting her run over his feelings reminds me of Sheila. The line about “you can be whoever you want even yourself” reminds me of Yvonne. The kid raps at the end about his Degrassi days going to connect with a dendai. Reminds me of Angela! This album should be called “Mafeelings” coz I’m catching mad feelings listening.


Drake kicks off saying “Yo! Yo!” like Schoolboy Q! Oh oh! Shots fired at Kendrick from jump, “I don’t know why they be lyin/ but yo shit is not that inspirin!” then he goes in on Breezy talmbout he should come get his girl coz she’s getting too attached. Funny thing is that Rihanna tweeted lines from this jam! Drake just shut down K Dot’s “Control” verse with the same flow he dropped on Migos’ Versace. Birdman is at the end. The only YMCMB appearance in this entire album. Teren Teren.


This sounds like Beyonce’s Bow Down. It’s dope! Drake raps to a stripper hustling to make her day pay from tips. This jam however crosses over to any dendai outchea getting paper. At some point I think he’s talking about Maliah or Rihanna. Oh well. This reminds me of my girls who’ve worked hard & are getting paper: Mo, Corine, Amina, Gracey, Adi & Fido. Wametoka mbali far! Quotable : “Yo mama used to live in church on Sundays/ you just go to Liv after church on Sunday.”


This dude Sampah is dope! He sounds like The Weeknd & Life Jennings had an illegitimate child bana! 40 loops the hook through the verse! Sick! Might be the best song on the album yo! Drake’s rapping about a girl telling him not to worry about being the best out! This song reminds me of Wangui. Love it though I can’t quote one bar.


This has been produced by Boy 1da dolo! No 40 on this one? Yo! Drake is spitting yo!  The hook is a sample of Wu-Tang Clan’s C.R.E.A.M. Whoa! This is the third Wu-Tang reference on this album. Hov sounds good but spits rubbish. LMAO at the bit where he says everyone made millions from Dame to Cam but Beanie Siegel won’t tell you coz of feelings. The beat switches to this incredible bit where Drake just talks about what he feels & thinks, He’s giving props to Paris Morton for holding him down. This is the best & shortest song on the album!

The remaining three tracks are bonus joints that I don’t care about. This is an INCREDIBLE album yo! Drake has done what I hope one day J Cole will do, come out & declare yourself as the king & sound like it! Drake’s rap on this is IDGAF, honest & real. I like that he made such a personal album talking about his past & his folks coz it evokes emotions in me.

I rank this alongside my favorite albums this year, Earl Sweatshirt’s Doris, Mac Miller’s Watching Movies With The Sound Off, Tyler The Creator’s Wolf, London Grammar’s If You Wait, Rapsody’s She Got Game & Arctic Monkeys’ AM. Well done. Drake is no longer a girl. He is a strong, successful woman!


Magna Carta Holy Grail : Jay – Z Album Review

Posted in Alkahol, Music, Music Reviews, Women on July 5, 2013 by Saliva Vic

Sorry I’m a champion – Chrisette Michelle

Yo! The last time I did a Hov review was for Blueprint 3 which I thought was amazing. Well Hov aka the god emcee is back with his 12th album (heard that 2Pac?) & I must admit before I go in that I am always biased when it comes to Jay Z coz since I was 15 he only disappointed me once. Kingdom Come was shit. Let’s see why the world stopped on July 4th 2013.

Magna Carta


Yo! He’s gonna jump off with JT? Fuck! It’s almost 6 minutes long like every jam on Timberfake’s 20/ 20 Experience. I hope it’s worth it. Oh shit. This is dope, the kid’s got soul! Like Bruno Mars on drugs.  JT’s come a long way from his curl kit N’Sync days. What’s this about? Did Hov just say that Blue Ivy told him to tell us he’s that nigga. I like the Kurt Cobain shout. Hov is bitching about fame but also appreciates how sick he’s life is. This gets boring quick!


Now this is a sick beat! What? Head bobbing & Hov is on his arrogant shit! I like it when he flosses, no one does it like Hov! I can’t believe Timbaland produced this! It’s like Volume 2 all over again! This beat is ridiculous! A lot of Basquiat shouts on this one yet it’s named Picasso, obscure vs cubism? Either way, Hov paints pictures with words. Whoa! The beat switches at 2.35 to some sick head nod shit! Quotable: I want a Rothko/ no I want a brothel/ no I want a wife to fuck me like a prostitute!


Yo! The beat sounds like something Meek Mill & Big Sean would have sounded ridiculous on. Whatever drugs Timbaland took when producing this shit may he keep taking them! Hahaha! I like the way he says “I don’t pop molly I rock Tom Ford!” Hov doesn’t need to tell you there’s levels to this shit, you just know it! Whoa! Dude just said “Sound boy burial/ this my Wayne Perry flow/ yall know nothing bout Wayne Perry though!” Sidebar: Wayne Perry was known as the Michael Jordan of the murder game. Check out Street Legends. Quotable: Fuck hash tags & retweets/ 140 characters in these streets!


Man I hope he pulls a J Cole & let’s that fat bastard stick to the hook. I don’t need a cholesterol packed verse to fuck up this happy meal. Who’s the Jamaican at the beginning? Or is he? Ah well. Boi-1da on production with a Timbo assist. Love the production on this album so far. Damn! Ross is rapping. Hahahaha! Ross says he’ll do the money dance. That’s Chief Keef’s dance yo! The beat is bangin but the lyrics are laaaaaaaaame! This is that “bang it in the whip while smoking sheesha in Nairobi West” jam.


Why is gay ass Frankie on this one? He had the most overrated album of all time. I liked him on Tyler’s Wolf so let’s give him a shot.  See what I did there? No? Ok. Yo! The beat is insaaaaane! Ocean sounds decent. No autotune. Pharrell is a genius for this beat! Timbo assist. Whoa! Hov goes in! “The only Christopher we acknowledge is Wallace!” Kanye should have been on this. Quotable: I hope my black skin don’t dirt this white tuxedo before the Basquiat show/ if so fuck it! – Franck Ocean.


The fuck does this mean? I like the opening line “Don’t be good my nigga/ be great”. Oh shit. He means Fuck Up This World. I like this. Sounds like my life, extremely rebellious. Timbaland stays killing it with these beats! This is dope as fuck! My anthem. Quotable: Feelin like a stranger in my own land/ got me feelin like Brody in Homeland/ I just want a shot to show my genius/ standin on the top hold my penis!


The production is crazy on this album! This is Hit Boy & Mike Dean. The horns are nice. Hov is back on his arrogant shit. He bites Pusha’s flow on some bars. Ha! Miley Cyrus gets a shout! “ Somewhere in America Miley Cyrus is still twerking” then he goes on tell Miley to twerk! Fuck. It’s over. One verse? This is the kind of poor decision making I’d expect from J Cole not Hova.


Yooooo! That’s a Sizzla sample! I know that shit! Solid as a rock. The kid Travis Scott produced this. Sounds like Yeezy on Heartbreaks. I like Travis though. Travis sounds like a young Rick Ross on the hook. Hov speaks the truth when he says “Getting yall to feel me is my only job.” He’s doing a good job. Why isn’t Kanye on this album though?  Oh. They’re saving that for another Watch The Throne right? Ha!


I like the loop. Apparently that’s The Dream. Once again production is sick! Timbaland my nigga I take back everything I ever said about dude falling off! Yo! Hova just went all 5 percenter with the God body shit Arm Leg Leg Arm Head – ALLAH. Quotable: Conspiracy theorists screamin illuminati/ they can’t believe this much skill is in the human body!


Yo! He just bit A Tribe Called Quest “Sucka Nigga” in the beginning. The fuck? It’s over? What a wasted beat! It may be 55 seconds but we listened to it over & over again. Who is he talking about? Weezy? LMAO! Quotable: Your last shit ain’t better than my first shit/ your best shit ain’t better than my worst shit.



Fuck this shit. Bonnie & Clyde was shit. Now they’ve done it again? Props to Timbaland on production. I like Bey’s line about “Toast to cliches & my dark past” I can relate. This is wack! The obligatory song for the bitches on every rapper’s album. Whatever happened to the Hova who said “What I look like/ givin a chick half my track/ like she wrote half my rap/ nah I ain’t havin that!” Fuck this. Wackest jam.



Whoa! Sema ratchet rap? Mike Will saved his best beat for Hova! Jay Z must have been listening to me. This is the Hov I want who tells a bitch she better look like Halle Berry taking her time & shit…hold up…what the fuck? It’s over? 58 seconds? Mike Will should give this beat to Juicy for some heat.


Pharrell is back on this one. Swizz Beatz is screaming on the hook & Timbaland adds that steroids endorsed baritione! Yo! Nas is rapping! This is nice. I can dance to this. Nas takes us back to the 90s when he & Jay were kids. They say R.I.P to Gianni. As in Versace? What happened to R.I.P to the homies? Now it’s designers? That’s what’s hot? Fuck you A$AP! Hov quotes MA$E at the beginning of his verse. LOL


I like whoever the actress is at the beginning. He’s rapping about his baby Blue Ivy. That name still sounds like a stripper to me. Yo! He quotes  Biggie. Is that Biggie’s voice endorsing this shit! Yo! They sampled Biggie’s voice from My Downfall. I love it. Even at 43 Hov still has daddy issues.  Quotable: Fuck joint custody/ I could use a joint now/ just the thought alone fucks with me!


The minute Hov says “Family First” I think Chief Keef. You know Keef is all about OTF (Only The Family). I don’t know if this is why I feel like Chief Keef should have been on this jam. I like Hov trying to flow like Keef on this as well but it takes a massive amount of drugs to sound like Keef dude. This is nice to rock out to with your boys on some drunk shit. Quotable:  Tell these niggaz pull they fuckin skirt down/ I can see their ovaries!

This album isn’t a classic. The way it’s been marketed is classic. Hov delivers some of the best beats I have heard in rap since a minute! Timbaland to me was some washed up producer but I take that back. Producing all but three jams on this, coz he assisted the Pharrell joints, it sounds amazing! Hov has never been a lyrical genius so don’t look for that here but his flows are insane as always!  He even says it on one of these jams that his flow is a gift. He knows his strength.

I can give this a few more spins. It still doesn’t beat my favorite album out this year, Mac Miller’s Watching Movies With The Sound Off. By the way. I’m surprised he didn’t name this album Magna Carter coz of his government. Oh well.

Favorite jams: Oceans, F.U.T.W, Heaven, BBC, Tom Ford, Crown & the three short jams: Versus, Beach Is Better & Somewhere In America.

My favorite Hov record. In My Lifetime.


Yeezus : Kanye West Album Review

Posted in Alkahol, Hip Hop, Misadventures, Music, Music Reviews, Women on June 15, 2013 by Saliva Vic

I see flaw/ cracks on yo diamond/ CB4/ when you rhyme Simple Simon! – Pusha T.

This is one of the most anticipated…nah..fuck that, this is the most anticipated release since Christians started waiting for the second coming of Christ more than 2000 years ago! The album they said would never leak. The album that would sell without a radio single or a video, just two SNL performances & Ye’s rapping projected in 66 cities simultaneously!

Well. It leaked. After working Kim K like he did for promo (see here) I wouldn’t put it past Kanye to have done this on purpose so he can drop the REAL album on Tuesday. Anywho, I got it. Let’s venture in & see what’s in store. Is it worth the hype?



The intro reminds me of MBDTF but it gets al electro + synth real quick! Sounds like Orgy on lean. Or a lazy Daft Punk. The lyrics are dope though. He raps about not giving fucks & flips a soul sample. I miss that. He talks a lot about fucking a chick, sticking his dick in my spouse & her mouth a lot. The production sounds odd, he plays with his MPC & it’s a wrap. I won’t lie I played it twice. I can dance to this on some drugs. Ok.


Once again the intro reminds me of MBDTF. I like the drums. That’s a Marilyn Manson sample no? I like this. I like the content. It’s like dude is out to piss white people off. Isn’t he having a baby with a white girl? Uh Oh! Is that a Chief Keef reference? Quotable: I keep it 300/ like the Romans/  300 bitches/ where the Trojans. You know Keef keeps it 3 hunna! Now he attacks coons. I like this. The 808s are heffi! He shouts “GOD” then it’s a wrap. At least his jams aren’t as long as Kendrick’s. Yes! The drums remind me of this Marilyn classic!


I love the title. We are all gods. After all, weren’t we created in his image? Weird dancehall voice at the beginning. Sounds familiar. Might be God. No. It’s Capleton. This sounds like 808s & Heartbreaks with better flows. Yo! I won’t lie, I like this shit! Ye talks more shit than Hov in his prime! Quotable: I just spoke to Jesus/ he said wsup Yeezus/ I said shit I’m chillin/ tryin to stack these millions!” Dope! Once again lyrics over production. The beat switches a bit & he’s running or being chased & screaming. Yo! Yeezy this ain’t a movie dawg! Where was God? Justin Vernon?


This was the one projected in 66 cities. I like this one already. Real introspective lyrics & realness about the music industry, a bunch of slaves. I like the production too. My mantra, “There’s leaders & there’s followers/ but I’d rather be a dick than a swallower”. Quotable: Fuck you & your Hampton house/ I fuck your Hampton spouse / me cum in her Hampton mouth”. This nigga wanna be the Charlamagne of rap! I love the soul sample at the end. Where was Frankie?


I hope I don’t have to ask where Keef is. Oh shit! Keef sounds sober. A lot of auto tune though. Yo! Is Ye rapping about Alexis? Damn! I like this! Just realized that this album is 808s & Heartbreaks wit Ye rapping & his minions doing the auto tuned singing. Why has he stopped rapping? This shit now sounds like Daft Punk “Aerodynamics” only not as nice. Five minutes & all I got was 1 Ye verse & Keef on the hook? Give me my money back! Oh. I didn’t pay for this. Quotable: Pussy had me floatin/ felt like Deepak Chopra/ pussy had me dead/ Michael 2Pac over.


This is starting to sound like Cole’s Sideline Story. The beats are the same. The lyrics are retarded as fuck though! If I listened to beats only I’d have deleted this already. Yo! Is that Buju Banton? Who is that? This jam just beasted out on itself! Another jam that sounds like it was written by Weezy. All he talks about is fucking some chick. I’m playing this again! Quotable: I’m a raplic priest getting head by the nuns/ they don’t play where I’m playin/ they don’t see what I’m sayin/ they be playin in the D leagues/ I be speakin Swahili!


At least the title has me excited. I expect some Billie Holiday on this. Yesssss! Strange Fruit sample from jump! Oh shit! Auto tune. This is 808s & Heartbreaks revisited with better raps instead of singing…spoke too soon…He’s singing. The beat is now on some rap shit but why is he singing? He’s talking about molly & a chick naked in the lobby. Why am I thinking about Kendrick’s Backseat Freestyle? This nigga misses Alexis! Oh shit! That’s what the beat is, that C-Murder Down For My Niggaz. I think Ye wants to piss me off intentionally. He isn’t rapping…Wait he is! He cries in auto tune at the end. This album needs massive amounts of liquor…like Montana amounts! Oh! This jam is about labels raping artists! Slaves!


I like Scott. So I’ve gotta like this. No? More auto tune. This is annoying but the screwed up voice makes me keep listening. At least he’s rapping. He just called himself Shabba Ranks & Biggie in two bars then calls himself Chief Rocka! Oh! The screwed voice is Popcaan’s Blocka hook! Scott sings. I could listen to this when I’m high as shit!


This is actually dope! This King Louie dude is siiiiiick! This I can fuck with. Ye’s verse is decent though he sounds like he wished he was crying. Beenie Man sings “Memories” at the end. This is short! Play it again. Quotable: Last night my bitches came in twos/ & they both sucked like they came to lose! 


Nice soul sample at the beginning. Vintage Kanye. No auto tune & he’s rapping. Quotable: One good girl is worth a thousand bitches. He’s talking about Jerome. Is that a subliminal to Trinidad James? This may be the intro to a “real” rap album from Ye.

Ok. This album has made me sad as shit. Yet happy. You have to be in a really dark place to appreciate this. This is a rapper trying to see how far he can push you away before you finally say “Fuck you Ye!” Lyrically ok, sonically depressing but really interesting coz I didn’t skip anything.

I like this coz I like pissing people off. One thing is that the sound is fucking depressing! Yet I listened to it twice. But I know why I like this, coz Kanye is out to piss the world off the same way the world pisses him off! No artwork. No video. No radio single. You were created unique so why spend all your life trying to be like everyone else! Fuck that!

Favorite Jams: All.  

Yeezus Back Cover


Made In Kenya – Dan “Chizi” Aceda Album Review

Posted in Alkahol, Hip Hop, Music, Music Reviews, Women on June 10, 2013 by Saliva Vic

The first time I met this chap I told him that he sucked for that weak shit he did alongside an all time great Eric Wainaina. He took it quite well & asked me to keep listening. He now has a new album. That man is Dan “Chizi” Aceda & the album is Made in Kenya.



I love the African feel to this. It’s too short though. Great intro.


Wololo! The lunje in me has been resurrected. This jam makes feel like mwanamberi bana! Mapeka inatingika! This would be great live. Suddenly I crave chicken wings dipped in tea! LMAO


I love this song. I would go as far as to say this is Dan’s best record after Soufflé. It reminds me of my ex. This is the kind of record if you played it for a woman she would have no choice but to take off her panties. This jam is better than AXE. It is only rivaled by Black Ice in the panty dropping department.


Soyo in dholuo means to put inside. This song’s title has taken my mind straight to the gutter. I like it. This is a song about a guy with a broken heart who wants doctor of love to get him the one he wants. It doesn’t catch my attention though.


The crown prince of Benga takes a trip to the Coast for this one. I like that by diversifying this album will introduce him to a variety audience. I don’t usually fucks with music from the coast so this isn’t exactly my favorite jam. Something about this jam makes me want to go for Blankets & Wine. *Calls Jamal Mohammed* Hahahaaa! Did Chizi just refer to girls as Vitz & 4&4s? LOL Me I can’t! I now love this jam.


I think this is Monica, the naija chick who won Project Fame in Naija. I’m not sure. This is a straight ballad. The two complement each other well but this is too Boyz II Men for me. The girls will love this one. I might play this after premature ejaculation though. It would calm the savage beast.


This jam sounds like a Coca Cola jingle. I think all African artists must make one of these in their album. This is actually the first boring jam on the album. I hope it’s the only one. Don’t be surprised if a mobile service provider picks this up for  their ad.

An E Yo

Walalalaaa! I love this from jump. This is my new favorite jam! It makes me want to be in love just listening to this. I also love that it’s in dholuo. Dan has outdone himself on this one! I want Dan to sing this while I romance the lovely Makosewe! Uwiiiiii!


I like the message in this. I live my life the same way. Forget about yesterday, you don’t know what’s coming tomorrow so live for today. Haiya! On the second verse it turns into a love song. This is that Sunday afternoon chill out music. Easy listening but nothing special.


This is very different. It’s a sound I have never heard from Chizi. I don’t know whether I like it. I don’t hate it. I am very indifferent on this one. The lyrics are cool though. The guitar towards the end makes me think of Sauti Sol.


It’s funny that the song that made me pissed at Dan when I  first met him was called “Wacha Waseme” which means let them talk. This is a great love song. It actually made me cry. I remember one of my exes used to be like this. She heard so many rumours & stories about me but she stayed with me for three years despite the bullshit. This is a fantastic song. Real people music.


What the hell does that mean? How else will we know Dan is a jaluo. This chick has a killer voice. This sounds like Christmas. Is this a Christmas jam. Fuck! I think it is. Having a very Mavuno moment right now! Skip!


So. Rabbit is really just gonna go by the name Kaka Sungura huh? The lyrics are dope. Dan’s voice is on point but the production is lame on this. Not a great way to end the album. Rabbit’s punchlines are weak as well. Ati DSTV so much more. No.

This is dope. The Dan Chizi Aceda I met those years back at Kenya Music week has really grown as an artist. This album has jams that will be on repeat for a minute. He has chosen his collaborators well. Except for Rabbit who just phoned in his verse. That was lame. Good stuff. I  would recommend that you buy this album. Can’t wait to hear “An E Yo” live! Hello Makosewe 🙂

Favorite jams: An E Yo, Safari (One & Only), Kakamega Express, Ready, Let Them Say, Wale Wale & Today.

This video makes me cry.


Born Sinner : J Cole Album Review

Posted in Alkahol, Hip Hop, Misadventures, Music, Music Reviews, Women on June 7, 2013 by Saliva Vic

Born sinner/ the opposite of a winner – Notorious B.I.G

This album has been anticipated by many rap music lovers all over the globe. Last night it leaked. This morning my TL on the twitter was filled by J Cole tweets. Even basic bitches who had never listened to more than one Cole World record (sema Work Out?) their entire lives were weighing in their expectations. It’s no surprise he was trending. His debut after dropping hot mixtape after hot mixtape after hot mixtape, The Sideline Story, was a shitty album full of whining & crying courtesy of Jermaine. Can he redeem himself with Born Sinner? Let’s go in.

Born Sinner Artwork


I instantly know I’m gonna like this just coz of the title. I fucks with any illuminati reference & Cole has my attention. Damn it. Kendrick influenced him with that church shit. This beat sounds like Timberland. Okay. Cole dick rides Hov but then goes in mean! Daaaaaayum! This record is tough! So many quotables, will he have any jewels left for the rest of this shit? He really dick rides his boss Hov though. Plus he name dropping maad! Cole is the new Game!  Dude sings sounding like the poor man’s Drake! He took an L at the end coz his insecurity starts showing. Quotable: If the hoes like it, then I love it!


Another K. Dot touch. A skit. The music in the background is OutKast’s  Da Art Of Storytellin Part 1! That’s my favorite OutKast joint of all time! I don’t even pay attention to the pastor shouting on this skit!


Yaaaaaaaaayz! \o/ Cole is gonna rap on the beat! I’m fucking with this! Cole added his hard drum kicks to this but kept the beat pretty much the same. This is like a come up record. Cole has made it & reminisces on when he had no crib, hoes and shit. But then he keeps flipping & says watch out for snakes. He loses me.  Dude actually acknowledges that his kicks are hard! Quotable: My kicks hard/ my whip hard/ I came out the womb with my dick hard! I LOVE THIS ONE. The drums switch at the end sounding all African. Dooooope!


The obligatory song for the bitches. I didn’t like this song till last week. It made the girl next to me at the bar holla, dance & kiss me. I can’t be mad at that. It’s a pussy record designed just for that I guess. The sample is nice though & the production is meh but that’s where it stops. But like Cole world says,  the hoes like it so I love it. Ha!


Damn. There goes those hard kicks again. I’ll get a headache. This is kinda nice. He’s rapping about all types of money. Quotable: Blacks always broke coz we don’t know. Short & sweet. I actually wish he would have rapped just a little longer on this.


Drake’s influence is all over this. Woi! Then there’s a choir. Okay. Where is this going? He started with “Real niggaz tryina fuck/ fuck niggaz wanna fight” but now it’s like he’s at Sunday service. Hahahaaa! He starts rapping about how he can’t stand these bitches & hoes. “Cole on twitter/ Bitch can’t get a follow”! The beat is a yawnfest but the rhymes are interesting like when he’s talmbout going to school. Quotable: I’m dumb as shit/ hangin round these rappers coz they dumb as shit!    


Isn’t that Mike Epps in the intro? Hmmm…Kendrick’s touch? Another song about girls? He even says how the fuck did his life become a fucking love song? This is a song for bitches that want to escape their shitty lives.  Pause. This album feels like Game’s Jesus Piece, Kendrick’s GKMC & Drake’s Take Care had unprotected sex & Born Sinner is the illegitimate child. Mad similarities. Back to this jam. Girls & activist ass, Talib Kweli listening, sad niggaz will like this. I barely care for it, it’s no “Keep Your Head Up” & Cole is trying too hard to be 2Pac…


He jumps off singing. The girl is amazing. Can’t make out what she’s saying though. Typical Cole production. Another jam about these chicks? Dude! I finally get that line on Villuminati about changing his target audience. Cole is rapping for the bitches. He finally realized his a hunky piece of man meat! Quotable: What she want from a nigga/ to put a ring on it/ got a bitch on my dick right now & she just wanna sing on it! I kinda fucks with this!


I don’t like the title. I dislike rich niggaz. I am not rich. Is that a harp? Dang! Hahhahahaaaaa! He surprised me, he says he hates rich niggaz! I thought he’d be bragging about his cash. He’s rapping about being broke & frustrated. I like it. Real people music. He considers selling his soul. I know it homey. I think that’s why he’s rapping for bitches, he sold his soul. His insecurity shows again as he wants to be great but is afraid of failing. Falling is worse from a higher height they say.


A church choir singing to God. The A Tribe Called Quest “Electric Relaxation” strings come on. Please tell me he’s gonna rap on this as well!


I think I just jizzed my pants! Not only did he sample my favorite ATCQ record but he brought Kendrick along. I thought he said the album had no rapper features? Maybe he meant verses? Is he gonna use K-Dot just for a muthafuckin hook? Another song about these bitches. This nigga needs to stop singing. Sounding now like the poor man’s Drake on lean. Yep Kendrick just singing on the hook & saying bitches coz no one says it quite like him huh. All of a sudden he goes on a rant against rap magazines & those who think he won’t beat Kanye. Quotable: She raise that nigga kids but she swallow mine.


FORBIDDEN FRUIT ended with Cole’s getting a Jesus Piece. I remember the most amazing Chaining Day was when Kanye got his Roc Chain. Again he’s rapping from the perspective of a nigga who wants that shit! He paints the picture that the game is a façade. Most rappers be shining just for show but he does it as well. The chains are like weaves. It’s a lie. Cole is smarter than most rappers but must stoop to their level of ignorance just to be loved & respected in the game. This nigga crying again & singing! Woi! This joint isn’t bad though. Quotable: Iced put crazy I wanna shine like baby/ compared to that nigga I ain’t  even got a bib yet/ truth be told I haven’t even bought a crib yet!


Oh snap he goes in! I’ve noticed that Cole sounds the best when he’s just rapping punchlines like he’s in attack mode during a battle. If only he displayed this confidence in all his raps he’d be great! Shout to A$AP & Chip for their one liners on the hook.


Ha! I’m not trying to check for TLC. This jam sounds to me like he was getting his Kanye West on like when Ye did “All Falls Down”. Only Cole is directly talking to these chicks to be confident & not insecure coz of their looks. Look at who’s talking? The most insecure rapper in the game! Trying to be Pac again. I think Pac was the first rapper to talk about girls with a crooked smile. Quotable: Never let them see you frown!  


What the fuck is this shit? Ye’s “Big Brother” was one thing but this is straight sucking Nasir’s cock son! This is beyond dick riding! Even Game’s love letter to Dre “Doctor’s Advocate” has nothing on this jam. Okay maybe Game’s was on the psycho end. No I.D. killed it in production. Basically Cole is sad that Nas said hated his biggest single Work Out. Gaaad! That joint was annoying! LOL! I love how he says Nas made “You owe me” so he should relate. You owe me was worse. Dick sucking & whining aside, this jam is kinda nice. Cole does do this rap shit from the heart.


This sounds boring from jump! Cole is talking to God thanking him for everything He let Cole see & achieve. My girl said it sounds like praise & worship. I must agree. Saved the worst for lost. I think this record is really personal to Cole & I respect that. It’s just a yawnfest. It kinda makes me feel as if I’m listening to Pac with a better flow. Pac had tons of these sad as shit records on all his albums!  OMG! There’s even a fucking choir at the end. Bye!

This is where the official album ends. The remaining 5 jams are from Truly Yours 3.

I think Cole has redeemed himself. This is waaaaaay better than Sideline Story. It’s not a classic. It’s good. He still whines & cries a lot & needs to cut the singing but even production wise the kid has really found himself. I like that he’s now rapping for the bitches. He’s better looking than Drake. Shit. This light skin nigga better looking than me. This is J Cole’s first album in my books. Sideline story never happened. Well done Cole. Thanks for not disappointing the first nigga that ever played your shit on Kenyan radio. And bringing back the memories of Biggie, OutKast & ATCQ, priceless.

But the lack of confidence & your insecurity Cole World is the reason you will never be great. Stay tepid my nigga.

Favorite Jams: Villuminati, Land Of Snakes, Forbidden Fruit, Chaining Day, Rich Niggaz, She Knows, Rich Niggaz, Mo Money, Ain’t that some shit.

Peace, Love & Pussy! Pamoja!!!