Archive for July, 2013

Magna Carta Holy Grail : Jay – Z Album Review

Posted in Alkahol, Music, Music Reviews, Women on July 5, 2013 by Saliva Vic

Sorry I’m a champion – Chrisette Michelle

Yo! The last time I did a Hov review was for Blueprint 3 which I thought was amazing. Well Hov aka the god emcee is back with his 12th album (heard that 2Pac?) & I must admit before I go in that I am always biased when it comes to Jay Z coz since I was 15 he only disappointed me once. Kingdom Come was shit. Let’s see why the world stopped on July 4th 2013.

Magna Carta

HOLY GRAIL FT JUSTIN TIMBERLAKE

Yo! He’s gonna jump off with JT? Fuck! It’s almost 6 minutes long like every jam on Timberfake’s 20/ 20 Experience. I hope it’s worth it. Oh shit. This is dope, the kid’s got soul! Like Bruno Mars on drugs.  JT’s come a long way from his curl kit N’Sync days. What’s this about? Did Hov just say that Blue Ivy told him to tell us he’s that nigga. I like the Kurt Cobain shout. Hov is bitching about fame but also appreciates how sick he’s life is. This gets boring quick!

PICASSO BABY

Now this is a sick beat! What? Head bobbing & Hov is on his arrogant shit! I like it when he flosses, no one does it like Hov! I can’t believe Timbaland produced this! It’s like Volume 2 all over again! This beat is ridiculous! A lot of Basquiat shouts on this one yet it’s named Picasso, obscure vs cubism? Either way, Hov paints pictures with words. Whoa! The beat switches at 2.35 to some sick head nod shit! Quotable: I want a Rothko/ no I want a brothel/ no I want a wife to fuck me like a prostitute!

TOM FORD

Yo! The beat sounds like something Meek Mill & Big Sean would have sounded ridiculous on. Whatever drugs Timbaland took when producing this shit may he keep taking them! Hahaha! I like the way he says “I don’t pop molly I rock Tom Ford!” Hov doesn’t need to tell you there’s levels to this shit, you just know it! Whoa! Dude just said “Sound boy burial/ this my Wayne Perry flow/ yall know nothing bout Wayne Perry though!” Sidebar: Wayne Perry was known as the Michael Jordan of the murder game. Check out Street Legends. Quotable: Fuck hash tags & retweets/ 140 characters in these streets!

FUCKWITHMEYOUKNOWIGOTIT FT RICK ROSS

Man I hope he pulls a J Cole & let’s that fat bastard stick to the hook. I don’t need a cholesterol packed verse to fuck up this happy meal. Who’s the Jamaican at the beginning? Or is he? Ah well. Boi-1da on production with a Timbo assist. Love the production on this album so far. Damn! Ross is rapping. Hahahaha! Ross says he’ll do the money dance. That’s Chief Keef’s dance yo! The beat is bangin but the lyrics are laaaaaaaaame! This is that “bang it in the whip while smoking sheesha in Nairobi West” jam.

OCEANS FT FRANK OCEAN

Why is gay ass Frankie on this one? He had the most overrated album of all time. I liked him on Tyler’s Wolf so let’s give him a shot.  See what I did there? No? Ok. Yo! The beat is insaaaaane! Ocean sounds decent. No autotune. Pharrell is a genius for this beat! Timbo assist. Whoa! Hov goes in! “The only Christopher we acknowledge is Wallace!” Kanye should have been on this. Quotable: I hope my black skin don’t dirt this white tuxedo before the Basquiat show/ if so fuck it! – Franck Ocean.

F.U.T.W

The fuck does this mean? I like the opening line “Don’t be good my nigga/ be great”. Oh shit. He means Fuck Up This World. I like this. Sounds like my life, extremely rebellious. Timbaland stays killing it with these beats! This is dope as fuck! My anthem. Quotable: Feelin like a stranger in my own land/ got me feelin like Brody in Homeland/ I just want a shot to show my genius/ standin on the top hold my penis!

SOMEWHERE IN AMERICA

The production is crazy on this album! This is Hit Boy & Mike Dean. The horns are nice. Hov is back on his arrogant shit. He bites Pusha’s flow on some bars. Ha! Miley Cyrus gets a shout! “ Somewhere in America Miley Cyrus is still twerking” then he goes on tell Miley to twerk! Fuck. It’s over. One verse? This is the kind of poor decision making I’d expect from J Cole not Hova.

CROWN

Yooooo! That’s a Sizzla sample! I know that shit! Solid as a rock. The kid Travis Scott produced this. Sounds like Yeezy on Heartbreaks. I like Travis though. Travis sounds like a young Rick Ross on the hook. Hov speaks the truth when he says “Getting yall to feel me is my only job.” He’s doing a good job. Why isn’t Kanye on this album though?  Oh. They’re saving that for another Watch The Throne right? Ha!

HEAVEN

I like the loop. Apparently that’s The Dream. Once again production is sick! Timbaland my nigga I take back everything I ever said about dude falling off! Yo! Hova just went all 5 percenter with the God body shit Arm Leg Leg Arm Head – ALLAH. Quotable: Conspiracy theorists screamin illuminati/ they can’t believe this much skill is in the human body!

VERSUS

Yo! He just bit A Tribe Called Quest “Sucka Nigga” in the beginning. The fuck? It’s over? What a wasted beat! It may be 55 seconds but we listened to it over & over again. Who is he talking about? Weezy? LMAO! Quotable: Your last shit ain’t better than my first shit/ your best shit ain’t better than my worst shit.

Wayne

PART II FT BEYONCE

Fuck this shit. Bonnie & Clyde was shit. Now they’ve done it again? Props to Timbaland on production. I like Bey’s line about “Toast to cliches & my dark past” I can relate. This is wack! The obligatory song for the bitches on every rapper’s album. Whatever happened to the Hova who said “What I look like/ givin a chick half my track/ like she wrote half my rap/ nah I ain’t havin that!” Fuck this. Wackest jam.

Bey

BEACH IS BETTER

Whoa! Sema ratchet rap? Mike Will saved his best beat for Hova! Jay Z must have been listening to me. This is the Hov I want who tells a bitch she better look like Halle Berry taking her time & shit…hold up…what the fuck? It’s over? 58 seconds? Mike Will should give this beat to Juicy for some heat.

BBC

Pharrell is back on this one. Swizz Beatz is screaming on the hook & Timbaland adds that steroids endorsed baritione! Yo! Nas is rapping! This is nice. I can dance to this. Nas takes us back to the 90s when he & Jay were kids. They say R.I.P to Gianni. As in Versace? What happened to R.I.P to the homies? Now it’s designers? That’s what’s hot? Fuck you A$AP! Hov quotes MA$E at the beginning of his verse. LOL

JAY Z BLUE

I like whoever the actress is at the beginning. He’s rapping about his baby Blue Ivy. That name still sounds like a stripper to me. Yo! He quotes  Biggie. Is that Biggie’s voice endorsing this shit! Yo! They sampled Biggie’s voice from My Downfall. I love it. Even at 43 Hov still has daddy issues.  Quotable: Fuck joint custody/ I could use a joint now/ just the thought alone fucks with me!

LA FAMILIA

The minute Hov says “Family First” I think Chief Keef. You know Keef is all about OTF (Only The Family). I don’t know if this is why I feel like Chief Keef should have been on this jam. I like Hov trying to flow like Keef on this as well but it takes a massive amount of drugs to sound like Keef dude. This is nice to rock out to with your boys on some drunk shit. Quotable:  Tell these niggaz pull they fuckin skirt down/ I can see their ovaries!

This album isn’t a classic. The way it’s been marketed is classic. Hov delivers some of the best beats I have heard in rap since a minute! Timbaland to me was some washed up producer but I take that back. Producing all but three jams on this, coz he assisted the Pharrell joints, it sounds amazing! Hov has never been a lyrical genius so don’t look for that here but his flows are insane as always!  He even says it on one of these jams that his flow is a gift. He knows his strength.

I can give this a few more spins. It still doesn’t beat my favorite album out this year, Mac Miller’s Watching Movies With The Sound Off. By the way. I’m surprised he didn’t name this album Magna Carter coz of his government. Oh well.

Favorite jams: Oceans, F.U.T.W, Heaven, BBC, Tom Ford, Crown & the three short jams: Versus, Beach Is Better & Somewhere In America.

My favorite Hov record. In My Lifetime.

Pamoja!!!