Archive for June, 2013

A.N.N.E.T.T.E : An Ode To My Queen

Posted in Alkahol, Hip Hop, Misadventures, Women on June 18, 2013 by Saliva Vic

“It don’t take a whole day to recognize sunshine!” – Common

I really debated putting this poem outchea after I wrote it. I kept thinking what it would expose & all that other shit but then I thought about all the poor poor bastards outchea who don’t have the testicles to put their emotions down on paper & figured they might benefit from this. Otherwise this has been inspired by my lovely queen.

My Queen

My Queen

Always finding a way to make me smile, fuck that, you give me a reason to live.

Never listening to the naysayers & haters, instead giving me a shot at your heart.

Naughty but nice, quiet but loud, gentle yet strong, you’re a double up, more than I can ever give.

Extremely intelligent & driven, when we get together, they’ll never tear us apart.

Talented like crazy you are, when you sing it feels like my heart will melt.

Titillating kisses from your lips & your gentle touch are the greatest I ever felt.

Ecstasy does not begin to describe my state of mind since I met you, I dig you to death.

Pamoja!!!

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Yeezus : Kanye West Album Review

Posted in Alkahol, Hip Hop, Misadventures, Music, Music Reviews, Women on June 15, 2013 by Saliva Vic

I see flaw/ cracks on yo diamond/ CB4/ when you rhyme Simple Simon! – Pusha T.

This is one of the most anticipated…nah..fuck that, this is the most anticipated release since Christians started waiting for the second coming of Christ more than 2000 years ago! The album they said would never leak. The album that would sell without a radio single or a video, just two SNL performances & Ye’s rapping projected in 66 cities simultaneously!

Well. It leaked. After working Kim K like he did for promo (see here) I wouldn’t put it past Kanye to have done this on purpose so he can drop the REAL album on Tuesday. Anywho, I got it. Let’s venture in & see what’s in store. Is it worth the hype?

Yeezus

ON SIGHT

The intro reminds me of MBDTF but it gets al electro + synth real quick! Sounds like Orgy on lean. Or a lazy Daft Punk. The lyrics are dope though. He raps about not giving fucks & flips a soul sample. I miss that. He talks a lot about fucking a chick, sticking his dick in my spouse & her mouth a lot. The production sounds odd, he plays with his MPC & it’s a wrap. I won’t lie I played it twice. I can dance to this on some drugs. Ok.

BLACK SKINHEAD

Once again the intro reminds me of MBDTF. I like the drums. That’s a Marilyn Manson sample no? I like this. I like the content. It’s like dude is out to piss white people off. Isn’t he having a baby with a white girl? Uh Oh! Is that a Chief Keef reference? Quotable: I keep it 300/ like the Romans/  300 bitches/ where the Trojans. You know Keef keeps it 3 hunna! Now he attacks coons. I like this. The 808s are heffi! He shouts “GOD” then it’s a wrap. At least his jams aren’t as long as Kendrick’s. Yes! The drums remind me of this Marilyn classic!

I AM A GOD FT GOD (JUSTIN VERNON)

I love the title. We are all gods. After all, weren’t we created in his image? Weird dancehall voice at the beginning. Sounds familiar. Might be God. No. It’s Capleton. This sounds like 808s & Heartbreaks with better flows. Yo! I won’t lie, I like this shit! Ye talks more shit than Hov in his prime! Quotable: I just spoke to Jesus/ he said wsup Yeezus/ I said shit I’m chillin/ tryin to stack these millions!” Dope! Once again lyrics over production. The beat switches a bit & he’s running or being chased & screaming. Yo! Yeezy this ain’t a movie dawg! Where was God? Justin Vernon?

NEW SLAVES FT FRANK OCEAN

This was the one projected in 66 cities. I like this one already. Real introspective lyrics & realness about the music industry, a bunch of slaves. I like the production too. My mantra, “There’s leaders & there’s followers/ but I’d rather be a dick than a swallower”. Quotable: Fuck you & your Hampton house/ I fuck your Hampton spouse / me cum in her Hampton mouth”. This nigga wanna be the Charlamagne of rap! I love the soul sample at the end. Where was Frankie?

HOLD MY LIQUOR FT CHIEF KEEF & JUSTIN VERNON

I hope I don’t have to ask where Keef is. Oh shit! Keef sounds sober. A lot of auto tune though. Yo! Is Ye rapping about Alexis? Damn! I like this! Just realized that this album is 808s & Heartbreaks wit Ye rapping & his minions doing the auto tuned singing. Why has he stopped rapping? This shit now sounds like Daft Punk “Aerodynamics” only not as nice. Five minutes & all I got was 1 Ye verse & Keef on the hook? Give me my money back! Oh. I didn’t pay for this. Quotable: Pussy had me floatin/ felt like Deepak Chopra/ pussy had me dead/ Michael 2Pac over.

I’M IN IT FT JUSTIN VERNON

This is starting to sound like Cole’s Sideline Story. The beats are the same. The lyrics are retarded as fuck though! If I listened to beats only I’d have deleted this already. Yo! Is that Buju Banton? Who is that? This jam just beasted out on itself! Another jam that sounds like it was written by Weezy. All he talks about is fucking some chick. I’m playing this again! Quotable: I’m a raplic priest getting head by the nuns/ they don’t play where I’m playin/ they don’t see what I’m sayin/ they be playin in the D leagues/ I be speakin Swahili!

BLOOD ON THE LEAVES

At least the title has me excited. I expect some Billie Holiday on this. Yesssss! Strange Fruit sample from jump! Oh shit! Auto tune. This is 808s & Heartbreaks revisited with better raps instead of singing…spoke too soon…He’s singing. The beat is now on some rap shit but why is he singing? He’s talking about molly & a chick naked in the lobby. Why am I thinking about Kendrick’s Backseat Freestyle? This nigga misses Alexis! Oh shit! That’s what the beat is, that C-Murder Down For My Niggaz. I think Ye wants to piss me off intentionally. He isn’t rapping…Wait he is! He cries in auto tune at the end. This album needs massive amounts of liquor…like Montana amounts! Oh! This jam is about labels raping artists! Slaves!

GUILT TRIP FT KID CUDI

I like Scott. So I’ve gotta like this. No? More auto tune. This is annoying but the screwed up voice makes me keep listening. At least he’s rapping. He just called himself Shabba Ranks & Biggie in two bars then calls himself Chief Rocka! Oh! The screwed voice is Popcaan’s Blocka hook! Scott sings. I could listen to this when I’m high as shit!

SEND IT UP FT KING L & IAMSU!

This is actually dope! This King Louie dude is siiiiiick! This I can fuck with. Ye’s verse is decent though he sounds like he wished he was crying. Beenie Man sings “Memories” at the end. This is short! Play it again. Quotable: Last night my bitches came in twos/ & they both sucked like they came to lose! 

BOUND 2 FT CHARLIE WILSON

Nice soul sample at the beginning. Vintage Kanye. No auto tune & he’s rapping. Quotable: One good girl is worth a thousand bitches. He’s talking about Jerome. Is that a subliminal to Trinidad James? This may be the intro to a “real” rap album from Ye.

Ok. This album has made me sad as shit. Yet happy. You have to be in a really dark place to appreciate this. This is a rapper trying to see how far he can push you away before you finally say “Fuck you Ye!” Lyrically ok, sonically depressing but really interesting coz I didn’t skip anything.

I like this coz I like pissing people off. One thing is that the sound is fucking depressing! Yet I listened to it twice. But I know why I like this, coz Kanye is out to piss the world off the same way the world pisses him off! No artwork. No video. No radio single. You were created unique so why spend all your life trying to be like everyone else! Fuck that!

Favorite Jams: All.  

Yeezus Back Cover

Pamoja!!!

Made In Kenya – Dan “Chizi” Aceda Album Review

Posted in Alkahol, Hip Hop, Music, Music Reviews, Women on June 10, 2013 by Saliva Vic

The first time I met this chap I told him that he sucked for that weak shit he did alongside an all time great Eric Wainaina. He took it quite well & asked me to keep listening. He now has a new album. That man is Dan “Chizi” Aceda & the album is Made in Kenya.

Dan

READY

I love the African feel to this. It’s too short though. Great intro.

KAKAMEGA EXPRESS

Wololo! The lunje in me has been resurrected. This jam makes feel like mwanamberi bana! Mapeka inatingika! This would be great live. Suddenly I crave chicken wings dipped in tea! LMAO

SAFARI (ONE & ONLY)

I love this song. I would go as far as to say this is Dan’s best record after Soufflé. It reminds me of my ex. This is the kind of record if you played it for a woman she would have no choice but to take off her panties. This jam is better than AXE. It is only rivaled by Black Ice in the panty dropping department.

DR. SOYO

Soyo in dholuo means to put inside. This song’s title has taken my mind straight to the gutter. I like it. This is a song about a guy with a broken heart who wants doctor of love to get him the one he wants. It doesn’t catch my attention though.

WALE WALE

The crown prince of Benga takes a trip to the Coast for this one. I like that by diversifying this album will introduce him to a variety audience. I don’t usually fucks with music from the coast so this isn’t exactly my favorite jam. Something about this jam makes me want to go for Blankets & Wine. *Calls Jamal Mohammed* Hahahaaa! Did Chizi just refer to girls as Vitz & 4&4s? LOL Me I can’t! I now love this jam.

I’M SORRY FT MONICA

I think this is Monica, the naija chick who won Project Fame in Naija. I’m not sure. This is a straight ballad. The two complement each other well but this is too Boyz II Men for me. The girls will love this one. I might play this after premature ejaculation though. It would calm the savage beast.

ARISE FT JIMMY HOPE, AMILLEENA

This jam sounds like a Coca Cola jingle. I think all African artists must make one of these in their album. This is actually the first boring jam on the album. I hope it’s the only one. Don’t be surprised if a mobile service provider picks this up for  their ad.

An E Yo

Walalalaaa! I love this from jump. This is my new favorite jam! It makes me want to be in love just listening to this. I also love that it’s in dholuo. Dan has outdone himself on this one! I want Dan to sing this while I romance the lovely Makosewe! Uwiiiiii!

TODAY

I like the message in this. I live my life the same way. Forget about yesterday, you don’t know what’s coming tomorrow so live for today. Haiya! On the second verse it turns into a love song. This is that Sunday afternoon chill out music. Easy listening but nothing special.

MABAWA

This is very different. It’s a sound I have never heard from Chizi. I don’t know whether I like it. I don’t hate it. I am very indifferent on this one. The lyrics are cool though. The guitar towards the end makes me think of Sauti Sol.

LET THEM SAY FT AMILEENA

It’s funny that the song that made me pissed at Dan when I  first met him was called “Wacha Waseme” which means let them talk. This is a great love song. It actually made me cry. I remember one of my exes used to be like this. She heard so many rumours & stories about me but she stayed with me for three years despite the bullshit. This is a fantastic song. Real people music.

IN EXCELSIS DEO FT KAVUTHA

What the hell does that mean? How else will we know Dan is a jaluo. This chick has a killer voice. This sounds like Christmas. Is this a Christmas jam. Fuck! I think it is. Having a very Mavuno moment right now! Skip!

FLY AWAY FT KAKA SUNGURA

So. Rabbit is really just gonna go by the name Kaka Sungura huh? The lyrics are dope. Dan’s voice is on point but the production is lame on this. Not a great way to end the album. Rabbit’s punchlines are weak as well. Ati DSTV so much more. No.

This is dope. The Dan Chizi Aceda I met those years back at Kenya Music week has really grown as an artist. This album has jams that will be on repeat for a minute. He has chosen his collaborators well. Except for Rabbit who just phoned in his verse. That was lame. Good stuff. I  would recommend that you buy this album. Can’t wait to hear “An E Yo” live! Hello Makosewe 🙂

Favorite jams: An E Yo, Safari (One & Only), Kakamega Express, Ready, Let Them Say, Wale Wale & Today.

This video makes me cry.

Pamoja!!!

Born Sinner : J Cole Album Review

Posted in Alkahol, Hip Hop, Misadventures, Music, Music Reviews, Women on June 7, 2013 by Saliva Vic

Born sinner/ the opposite of a winner – Notorious B.I.G

This album has been anticipated by many rap music lovers all over the globe. Last night it leaked. This morning my TL on the twitter was filled by J Cole tweets. Even basic bitches who had never listened to more than one Cole World record (sema Work Out?) their entire lives were weighing in their expectations. It’s no surprise he was trending. His debut after dropping hot mixtape after hot mixtape after hot mixtape, The Sideline Story, was a shitty album full of whining & crying courtesy of Jermaine. Can he redeem himself with Born Sinner? Let’s go in.

Born Sinner Artwork

VILLUMINATI

I instantly know I’m gonna like this just coz of the title. I fucks with any illuminati reference & Cole has my attention. Damn it. Kendrick influenced him with that church shit. This beat sounds like Timberland. Okay. Cole dick rides Hov but then goes in mean! Daaaaaayum! This record is tough! So many quotables, will he have any jewels left for the rest of this shit? He really dick rides his boss Hov though. Plus he name dropping maad! Cole is the new Game!  Dude sings sounding like the poor man’s Drake! He took an L at the end coz his insecurity starts showing. Quotable: If the hoes like it, then I love it!

KERNEY SERMON (SKIT)

Another K. Dot touch. A skit. The music in the background is OutKast’s  Da Art Of Storytellin Part 1! That’s my favorite OutKast joint of all time! I don’t even pay attention to the pastor shouting on this skit!

LAND OF SNAKES

Yaaaaaaaaayz! \o/ Cole is gonna rap on the beat! I’m fucking with this! Cole added his hard drum kicks to this but kept the beat pretty much the same. This is like a come up record. Cole has made it & reminisces on when he had no crib, hoes and shit. But then he keeps flipping & says watch out for snakes. He loses me.  Dude actually acknowledges that his kicks are hard! Quotable: My kicks hard/ my whip hard/ I came out the womb with my dick hard! I LOVE THIS ONE. The drums switch at the end sounding all African. Dooooope!

POWER TRIP FT MIGUEL

The obligatory song for the bitches. I didn’t like this song till last week. It made the girl next to me at the bar holla, dance & kiss me. I can’t be mad at that. It’s a pussy record designed just for that I guess. The sample is nice though & the production is meh but that’s where it stops. But like Cole world says,  the hoes like it so I love it. Ha!

MO MONEY (INTERLUDE)

Damn. There goes those hard kicks again. I’ll get a headache. This is kinda nice. He’s rapping about all types of money. Quotable: Blacks always broke coz we don’t know. Short & sweet. I actually wish he would have rapped just a little longer on this.

TROUBLE

Drake’s influence is all over this. Woi! Then there’s a choir. Okay. Where is this going? He started with “Real niggaz tryina fuck/ fuck niggaz wanna fight” but now it’s like he’s at Sunday service. Hahahaaa! He starts rapping about how he can’t stand these bitches & hoes. “Cole on twitter/ Bitch can’t get a follow”! The beat is a yawnfest but the rhymes are interesting like when he’s talmbout going to school. Quotable: I’m dumb as shit/ hangin round these rappers coz they dumb as shit!    

RUNAWAY

Isn’t that Mike Epps in the intro? Hmmm…Kendrick’s touch? Another song about girls? He even says how the fuck did his life become a fucking love song? This is a song for bitches that want to escape their shitty lives.  Pause. This album feels like Game’s Jesus Piece, Kendrick’s GKMC & Drake’s Take Care had unprotected sex & Born Sinner is the illegitimate child. Mad similarities. Back to this jam. Girls & activist ass, Talib Kweli listening, sad niggaz will like this. I barely care for it, it’s no “Keep Your Head Up” & Cole is trying too hard to be 2Pac…

SHE KNOWS FT AMBER COFFMAN

He jumps off singing. The girl is amazing. Can’t make out what she’s saying though. Typical Cole production. Another jam about these chicks? Dude! I finally get that line on Villuminati about changing his target audience. Cole is rapping for the bitches. He finally realized his a hunky piece of man meat! Quotable: What she want from a nigga/ to put a ring on it/ got a bitch on my dick right now & she just wanna sing on it! I kinda fucks with this!

RICH NIGGAZ

I don’t like the title. I dislike rich niggaz. I am not rich. Is that a harp? Dang! Hahhahahaaaaa! He surprised me, he says he hates rich niggaz! I thought he’d be bragging about his cash. He’s rapping about being broke & frustrated. I like it. Real people music. He considers selling his soul. I know it homey. I think that’s why he’s rapping for bitches, he sold his soul. His insecurity shows again as he wants to be great but is afraid of failing. Falling is worse from a higher height they say.

WHERE’S JERMAINE (SKIT)

A church choir singing to God. The A Tribe Called Quest “Electric Relaxation” strings come on. Please tell me he’s gonna rap on this as well!

FORBIDDEN FRUIT FT KENDRICK LAMAR

I think I just jizzed my pants! Not only did he sample my favorite ATCQ record but he brought Kendrick along. I thought he said the album had no rapper features? Maybe he meant verses? Is he gonna use K-Dot just for a muthafuckin hook? Another song about these bitches. This nigga needs to stop singing. Sounding now like the poor man’s Drake on lean. Yep Kendrick just singing on the hook & saying bitches coz no one says it quite like him huh. All of a sudden he goes on a rant against rap magazines & those who think he won’t beat Kanye. Quotable: She raise that nigga kids but she swallow mine.

CHAINING DAY

FORBIDDEN FRUIT ended with Cole’s getting a Jesus Piece. I remember the most amazing Chaining Day was when Kanye got his Roc Chain. Again he’s rapping from the perspective of a nigga who wants that shit! He paints the picture that the game is a façade. Most rappers be shining just for show but he does it as well. The chains are like weaves. It’s a lie. Cole is smarter than most rappers but must stoop to their level of ignorance just to be loved & respected in the game. This nigga crying again & singing! Woi! This joint isn’t bad though. Quotable: Iced put crazy I wanna shine like baby/ compared to that nigga I ain’t  even got a bib yet/ truth be told I haven’t even bought a crib yet!

AIN’T THAT SOME SHIT FT A$AP ROCKY, KING CHIP

Oh snap he goes in! I’ve noticed that Cole sounds the best when he’s just rapping punchlines like he’s in attack mode during a battle. If only he displayed this confidence in all his raps he’d be great! Shout to A$AP & Chip for their one liners on the hook.

CROOKED SMILE FT TLC

Ha! I’m not trying to check for TLC. This jam sounds to me like he was getting his Kanye West on like when Ye did “All Falls Down”. Only Cole is directly talking to these chicks to be confident & not insecure coz of their looks. Look at who’s talking? The most insecure rapper in the game! Trying to be Pac again. I think Pac was the first rapper to talk about girls with a crooked smile. Quotable: Never let them see you frown!  

LET NAS DOWN

What the fuck is this shit? Ye’s “Big Brother” was one thing but this is straight sucking Nasir’s cock son! This is beyond dick riding! Even Game’s love letter to Dre “Doctor’s Advocate” has nothing on this jam. Okay maybe Game’s was on the psycho end. No I.D. killed it in production. Basically Cole is sad that Nas said hated his biggest single Work Out. Gaaad! That joint was annoying! LOL! I love how he says Nas made “You owe me” so he should relate. You owe me was worse. Dick sucking & whining aside, this jam is kinda nice. Cole does do this rap shit from the heart.

BORN SINNER FT FAUNTLEROY

This sounds boring from jump! Cole is talking to God thanking him for everything He let Cole see & achieve. My girl said it sounds like praise & worship. I must agree. Saved the worst for lost. I think this record is really personal to Cole & I respect that. It’s just a yawnfest. It kinda makes me feel as if I’m listening to Pac with a better flow. Pac had tons of these sad as shit records on all his albums!  OMG! There’s even a fucking choir at the end. Bye!

This is where the official album ends. The remaining 5 jams are from Truly Yours 3.

I think Cole has redeemed himself. This is waaaaaay better than Sideline Story. It’s not a classic. It’s good. He still whines & cries a lot & needs to cut the singing but even production wise the kid has really found himself. I like that he’s now rapping for the bitches. He’s better looking than Drake. Shit. This light skin nigga better looking than me. This is J Cole’s first album in my books. Sideline story never happened. Well done Cole. Thanks for not disappointing the first nigga that ever played your shit on Kenyan radio. And bringing back the memories of Biggie, OutKast & ATCQ, priceless.

But the lack of confidence & your insecurity Cole World is the reason you will never be great. Stay tepid my nigga.

Favorite Jams: Villuminati, Land Of Snakes, Forbidden Fruit, Chaining Day, Rich Niggaz, She Knows, Rich Niggaz, Mo Money, Ain’t that some shit.

Peace, Love & Pussy! Pamoja!!!