Friends: What’s your circle?

They say that three is company & four is a crowd/ but not if you’re one of the illest, realest niggaz around – 2 Chainz

I was listening to the god 2 Chainz today looking for reasons as to why I should continue living what at times seems to be a pointless kind of life. As is customary, Mr. Tauheed Epps better known to you mere mortals as 2 Chainz aka Tity Boi aka Titty 2 Necklace, didn’t disappoint. As I was listening to this banger, “Money Making Mission”, for motivation, the bar I have posted above hit me & got me thinking about friendship.

As a child & even as a teen most humans strive to be popular, always wanting to be the dude or the chick with the most friends; the one that gets invited to all the parties; the individual everyone wants at their table or on their team. We all crave acceptance. The facebook made things worse, fools (myself included) added random people they have never met as friends. The twitter is like a marathon on who will have the most followers at all costs (read nudes)!

I digress. The point is that 2 Chainz prompted my analytical mind to group the kind of friends you & I have and the kind of friends you & I are to those in our circle. Sidebar: Shout out to The Circle going down on Saturday at Legend in Karen, now how about them tickets? Ha! As I was saying, friends, and I use the term loosely, will fall under the following:

The Stan.

Unless you live under Achieng Abura or Gabourey Sidibe then you must be familiar with the classic rap record by Eminem titled Stan about an obsessed fan.

For the purpose of this blog, a Stan is that acquaintance who wants to be just like you. They start to dress, talk, act & in extremes even date just like you. The female Stan will “borrow” your clothes & never return them, the male Stan will buy shoes just like yours, ape your mannerism & even try to fuck your girl coz he’s trying to be just like you. This happened to me. I can’t make shit up.

The Tampon.

This is that guy or chick who will only remember you when they need something or when things are looking up for you. They are only there for a period (see what I did there?) only to soak you up like a damn tampon.


They will soak up your time, energy, money, food, alcohol, drugs…basically whatever you have that they can suck from you, they will. When you have nothing to offer don’t bother looking for them, you’re the equivalent of a pregnant woman waiting for her menses…not coming!

The Supplier.

This friend is the opposite of a tampon. This is that buddy who will always be on a mission to get you high or drunk or both high & drunk. This friend usually has money when everyone else is conveniently broke & all (s)he wants is your company while you engage in some debauchery. Not a bad friend to have unless you have dependency issues coz then you’ll never get clean.


The Pimple.

This is that annoying friend who you might happen to know from school, work or the social network. See, (s)he isn’t really a friend but you know each other & they cling on to you because they want to be cool by association. Like that pimple that you want to pop but if you do you’ll look worse so you bear with it.

Großer Pickel auf der Nase

My motto here is; Vumilia tu, kuteseka ni kwa muda.

Bonga Points.

This is a really good friend to have. You genuinely share common interests with each other to the point that you have shared bodily fluids & bumped uglies, yaani you have had sex! You both keep it friendly, sharing your issues & occassionally shag. It’s as if you redeem the points gained from the sharing & caring for vagina/ penis. Wait…this sounds like a relationship….


I guess this is also where relationships fall under.

Ride Or Die aka OTF.

These are your true friends. They are only a handful. They are the reason Lil Reese made the song “Us” where the famous phrases “Small circle with no new niggaz” & “I don’t even trust niggaz/ OTF its just us niggaz” came about. OTF stands for Only The Fam (Family).

Your family is always there for you & definitely fall under this category then there’s a few people who are always by your side: when the chips are down & when the money’s up; when you fuck up & when you do good; and when dreams become nightmares they help turn those nightmares back to dreams.

Bro Code

With that said, what circle do you think you’re in?



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