Archive for June, 2011

Engayed : Born This Way!

Posted in Music, Random Access, Women on June 29, 2011 by Saliva Vic

“Take some time rejoice today coz Baby you were born this way” – Lady Gaga

This morning I awoke, just before the police wake up & the thugs go to sleep, to ensure I make it to the field where I work like a hebrew slave to support my nasty habits such as, erm, eating! As I crawled off my mattress my favorite Gaga joint was playing on the radio and immediately the cogs in my mind got to turning!

If you’ve been living under a rock for the past year or so let me throw you a bone! Here, catch! Get familiar real quick!

This awesome record’s commercial success & the Gag queen’s immense popularity got me thinking about the whole gay rights issue, that mind you, I have championed since before it got all trendy! It made me think that for you to be relevant or have some kind of success you best jump on that gay rights bandwagon or as I choose to call it GET ENGAYED!

The world’s illest dictionary, defines engayed as 2 gay people who are preparing to ge married but I beg to differ. I think it’s using the issue of gay rights to gain popularity/ notoriety.  Let me break it down.

1. Over the weekend Governor Cuomo, God bless him, made it legal for gay couples to get married in the state of New York! This was done just before the annual gay parade in NY was to go down! Talk about perfect timing! Today, I’m on Forbes (YES! I do read Forbes Magazine) and what do I see? CUOMO FOR PRESIDENT! Makes you think, has gay rights become the new Women’s lib? Is it the new civil rights movement? Is it the new fight for the right for women to vote? Hell yeah it is! And about time! Cuomo’s future is a whole lot brighter for getting engayed!

2. The music industry has been suffering over the past 10 years or so. Apart from the Eminem & Taylor Swift it’s damn near impossible for a pop act to sell 1 million records in their first week. This was a feat 2Pac accomplished in a matter of hours back in ’96! That says a lot considering how shitty most of “All Eyes on Me” was.

Let’s go to a few weeks ago, the gag queen bka Lady Gaga drops her album, “Born this way” and it moves 1.1million units in the States & 2.2million worldwide! This may be attributed to the fact that logcally gay men should have more disposable income than heteros. Think about it. Hetero men spend their money on women, who need to be pampered & bought random bullshit gifts in the name of dating! Gay men just need to buy each other a few beers & some nyama choma right? I bet my last 90 50cts coins that a hetero date costs 3 times as much as a gay date!

This will mean gay men have lots more money to buy CDs & comb iTunes for the gag queen’s new record as opposed to the hetero man who’s too busy forking out his earned loot to 2 baby mamas & planning for another on the way!

On the twitter, she’s popular, fuck that! She’s damn near 1million times Jesus in terms of followers! All this because a scary looking girl with a funny name, (what thefuck is Germanotta?), met an African man who couldn’t sing but had a label & decided to get engayed! By hopping on the gay rights  bandwagon, the gag queen is now the highest paid female musician in the world!

I hope it is now clear that to succeed today you must get engayed! Hop on the gay rights bandwagon and get paid! If you still need a push, here goes. Remember Jane Kasczmarek? No? She played the mother on Malcolm in the middle. Like everyone else on the cast, after Frankie Muniz grew up & decided crashing cars is a better living, she fell from the limelight. Now she’s back! Guess why? You’ve guessed it! Standing In Ceremony: The Gay Marriage Plays!

Lastly I just want to add that the world would be an entirely boring place if we were all the same. Word to the gag queen, we’re all different & always remember that God doesn’t make mistakes. Now here’s a little something from Rise Against. It’s called September’s Children. The record speaks for itself.