Archive for April, 2011

Forget trees, I hug music : The You Tube Version

Posted in Hip Hop, Music, Women on April 12, 2011 by Saliva Vic

I’m number 1 sorry I lied/ I’m number 1, 2, 3, 4 & 5 – KRS ONE

I listen to more music than the next guy and my taste is pretty eclectic but one a joint is good it’s solid. I therefore took time out to pick from You Tube the jams that stay on rotation in my head. Here goes my top picks!

I want to kick it off with a throwback. The frontman of this group created Gorillaz & is one of a handful of artists who sounds the exact same way live as he does in the booth. Damon Alburn. It’s Blur’s Song 2.

Now into the songs that are killing it for me right now. At number 5 it’s my man Jimmy aka The Capo. Say what you may but this joint is ridiculous. I love it. Chant with me “Everybody Jones, everybody Jones, erry erry erry”

“She was hot but I didn’t sweat her/ Coz I’m way too cool you can get a sweater/” – Jim Jones YIIIIIIICK! Moving along here’s the man who calls himself a twitter gangsta, timeline strangler! It’s none other than Rick Ross. This one just gets me in the zone! Selling dope straight off the iPhone? Damn!

MJG bitch I got 8 balls! – Rick Ross What do you know about that young’n! Well after that I change it up a bit  for number 3 with one of my favorite songs right now! This is by The Ark. It’s titled Breaking up with God & I absolutely love the lyrics! Here you go.

“Sword of Damocles/ or at least I thought it was/ had me on my kness/ that’s when I saw it had the shape of a cross” – The Ark. Almost at the top of my playlist is none other than the King of R&B no Trey Songz. My man R.Kelly. I couldn’t find the video but for your listening pleasure here’s Love Letter.

Now that I’ve got you in the mood for love. This is one of the best songs I have listened to in a hot minute! This woman’s voice is incredible and her lyrics are so personal I dare you to say you’ve never gone through this! To all the women I disappointed in life this one was written for you. It’s Adele with Someone like you.

To all the women I used to date/ bang that I keep seeing on the wedding show you’ll always be in my heart when I listen to Adele. Wow! Fuck what you heard, trees don’t make the world beautiful, music does.

Bonus. This kid is out of South Africa & this song is incredibly melodic. He’s called Kwesta and this is definitely bubbling under for my top 5!



Diagnosis : The Human Condition

Posted in Hip Hop, Misadventures, Music, Women on April 8, 2011 by Saliva Vic

You should have been a cop/ fuck hip hop/ with that freestyle you bound to get shot! – Notorious B.I.G

Today I’d like to play a little House. No, I don’t mean that retarded pretense game you played as a shortie that’s the main reason you don’t get laid, I’m talking about Dr. House.

I want to diagnose certain diseases we as Kenyans suffer from as witnessed during the Hague proceedings yesterday. Since I don’t have a medical degree I just decided to make up names for these diseases though I’m pretty sure they’re real diseases.


The patient will be late like a chick with a bun in the oven! The patient can’t keep time to save his life & after being late will not apologise. The judge at the Hague was 3 minutes late & apologised dearly! Albeit she was late coz Kenyan MPs had clogged the entrance trying to get in.


The patient acts like a girl by filling in the blanks yaani KUJIJAZIA, answering questions they haven’t been asked & basically jumping the gun like girls do! Ruto was asked his date & place of birth and his occupation. This nigga gave the judges directions to his village including distance! He was asked whether he had been informed of the charges & he let the world know that he watched Hotel Rwanda! Huh? Just answer Yes nigga!


The patient acts like a man! Bullish, stubborn & can’t take instructions. Have you ever asked a man to follow a map? He will ignore it coz he knows a shortcut & eventually get lost! This disease is also called Man Syndrome! Yet again Ruto was instructed on how the procedure will go down but he tried to start defending himself! Sit your ass down William!

Happening syndrome.

The patient will want to be present at any event that will be the talk of his/ her circle. Denis Adari didn’t have to get into Psy’s at 2 in the am the morning he was murdered but he wanted to “be there” where it’s  “happening”! Those fools jamming the entrance to the ICC looked like a crowd trying to get into Uptown Thursday! It’s never that serious!


This is a common illness also called Illusionia! The patient doesn’t halluscinate, the crowds he/ she sees are real but the problem is that he will believe the illusion the crowd creates. The rallies held for the Ocampo 6 showed massive support for these suckaz! However when they stepped in the ICC it was clear that it was each of them as individuals facing the charges not the crowd. Ruto looked shook like a pretty boy walking into Kamiti with skinny jeans on, cornrows & baby oil!

The Jesus Walk

The patient will be persecuted by the same people he/ she rolls with. Let me explain, these alleged perpetrators of PEV kept talking shit at rallies getting more people to back them using hate only for the judge to tell them that if that is the route they wish to choose then the ICC will detain them. Jesus walked with the disciples one of whom betrayed him, the bigger his flock got the more dangerous they perceived him & the jews he repped were the ones who crucified him.

2Pac Personality Disorder

This is otherwise known as 2PD where like 2Pac the victim will exhibit paranoia & believe it’s him against the world with everyone out to get him. From Ruto’s odd display at the Hague need I say more? All politicians in Kenya suffer this at one point or the other.

Wamala Syndrome

If you’re familiar with John Ruganda’s awesome play then you’re familiar with Wamala. He was disillusioned everytime he was sober. Reality bitch slapped him in the face like a chick who just realised guys don’t really like her personality but her huge boobs! The rallies got the Ocampo 6 high as fuck! But at the Hague there was no crowd & they realised like Michael Jackson, This Is It!


The patient will forget the past. Some Kenyans are against the ICC but have they forgotten that Ocampo asked for a local tribunal to be set up for close to 2 years but nothing happened?  GTFOH! All in all we all suffer from these diseases, it’s part of the human condition known as LIFE, a sexually transmitted disease with no known cure!

Enough! Here’s something to rock out to! I love this one! It’s Death Cab For Cutie, it’s called You’re a tourist.