Am I Straight?

“Me drown sorrows in that Diablo/ me found bravery in my Bravado/ DJs need to listen to the models/ what you ain’t got no Yeezy in Serato/” – Kanye West

As I type this post I’m banging Kanye West’s “Runaway” video crazy loud! This dude is genius! I can’t wait to get my hands on My Beautiful Dark Twisted Fantasy” but that’s beside the point. I haven’t been this excited about a record since Blu & Exile’s “Below the heavens”! Now that was an incredible record. Anyway Kanye West made me get to thinking how people assume that you are gay coz of certain aspects of your personality.

I know Mr. West is considered gay due to his clothes and basic demeanour. I have been called gay numerous times for various reasons. Like Riley Freeman said, calling someone gay is a serious accusation that you can’t just throw around but here are some of the reasons people might call you gay…this applies to the fellaz only!

1. Skinnies. I hate skinny jeans as much as I hate being asked for weed as if I was your neighbourhood pusher! Any self respecting man who leaves the house wearing skinny jeans will be called gay! Ladies, how do you let your man come out wearing nut huggers? What the fuck is he going to do next? Borrow your gotdamn blouse for the hanye? By the way, the next time I see a man in skinny jeans with a woman, I will slap some gotdamn sense into the woman! You have been warned, don’t let your man rock that shit!

2. Saying another man is hot! I am a culprit of this! I am so comfortable in my sexuality that I can say another dude is good looking without having the fear that I want to jump his bones! Only problem is that the rest of the “man world” which is uncomfortable with their sexuality will always call me gay coz of their insecurity! So, be warned that if you say a man is hot and you are a man they will say you are gay.

3. Singing along to gay music. Any man who sings along to Justin Bieber or even worse has a gotdamn Westlife CD in his collection cannot be anything other than gay! What the fuck? The other day I was rolling around Karen with my man and this weird azz song where Westlife keep repeating the name of some Spanish chick called Soledad starts playing in his whip! I gave my man the side eye but dude just kept singing this shit! I had no choice but to call him out. Other gay music includes anything by Celine Deon, Tailor Swift or Jimmy Gait. No offence God but Adam Lambert’s music is straighter than your man Jimmy.

4. Going to jail. It’s a little known fact that men who’ve been to jail are usually called gay because they may have dropped the soap and got Bufud. In case you didn’t know, bufud means buttfucked! I don’t do it personally coz like Riley I beleive that calling someone gay is a serious accusation! However chances are usually high that people get ass raped in jail!

5. Kissing a man. Unless you’re Italian, apparently kissing a man on the mouth or on the cheek qualifies you as gay in the eyes of many. Personally I totally disagree but hey most of the idiot men out here will call a brother gay for kissing another man. On that note, I do find it weird that these old dudes like my father hold hands when they walk the streets of Nairobi. What the fuck is that?

I’ve got to get back to work but I need to leave you with a man who I think is uber hot! Yes I think that Waka Flocka Flame is good looking! Utado?



2 Responses to “Am I Straight?”

  1. Classic drop! You’re back with a bang…

    I believe this article is all about being comfortable in your own skin.

    It really sucks when you’re labelled gay by people who hardly know you, simply coz u fit stereotypes;

    On a lighter note, check out this spoof;

  2. Your on ur way to gayville!

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