Alkahol Makes You Forget Things!

“Saturday morning just wakin up/ with a hangover/ smelling like I fucked/ I really can’t remember coz I’m still kinda faded” – Domino

As a young dude coming up on the lovely neighbourhoods of Lang’ata, I was exposed to a lot of vices. Nowadays, I don’t consider them vices but rather life experiences. Among them were the herb which I would rather refer to as the dehydrator because I would always get the nastiest cotton mouth, the drank which I would rather refer to as Sheesus Juice because I always thought it was the second coming of our Lord & saviour and of course the cootchie which I referred to as the loving!

One thing you must understand is that in the 90s Lang’ata teenage girls would give up the loving as if it had an expiry date on it that read the week before. The number of girls that were throwing that “thang thang” around was like when Uchumi were literally forcing alkaholiks to take home that shitty Bacardi breezer 6 pack at christmas time! This led to the most bizarre of encounters so I thought I’d share.

As a teen, the whole puberty process was darn right confusing and brand new leave alone sex! The problem was that sex was there so we had to have it! Anyway, this one time at a party my boy threw at Akiba Estate for his 16th birthday, I got lucky and went into the bathroom with this one tipsy girl, she was so hot! I was a bit drunk (10 satchets of Meakins Rum) but I pulled the full Yellow Pages and let my fingers do the walking. To those who are a bit slow, I explored her nether regions with the digits of my hand. Is that better?

As I got to the loving, I felt a stringy item and the Sheesus Juice started wearing off! In her tipsiness she just asked why I was stopping and I screamed back that she had a worm down there! The hot tipsy girl got this red look on her face (yes, she was a yellow yellow) and dashed out. I took a minute to regroup then left to ingest some more Sheesus Juice. Later as I narrated the ordeal, my boys laughed & explained that I had come in contact with a tampon! After dousing our livers with some more of the Sheesus Juice the encounter was all forgotten.

What reminded me of this ordeal is a video I ran into posted by Twin City TV where this kid Jaguar gets the shock of his life because the drunk girl he is daggering forgot it was that time of the month! It’s hilarious! To the girls who will read this, if it’s that time of the month, don’t get so high and lost in the pleasures of the flesh that you forget to give a brother a warning! If a brother knows what to expect,  he’ll be prepared, otherwise he just ends up with that dumb look Jaguar has on his face in the video below aptly titled Tampon Fail! *dead*

Pamoja!!!

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8 Responses to “Alkahol Makes You Forget Things!”

  1. Pahahahahahahahaha…. EPIC FAIL.. On the real tho’ we should NEVER have such daggering in Kenya. Someone would get pregnant on the dance floor.

  2. Finally, my answers have been prayered – I mean, my prayers have been answered … ‘one by one’ as some hymn says.

    Your blog has been and always should be my therapy in this cruel cruel world. Thanks for coming back.

  3. Lila write Says:

    Hahaha this was hilarious..

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