Archive for October, 2009

Big Brother Revolution Housemates Review: Alkaholik Version

Posted in Alkahol, Random Access, Women on October 7, 2009 by Saliva Vic

“I like the way she licks her lips/ see me jockin/ put a little twist in her hips coz I’m watchin” – 2Pac

The Big Brother Africa phenomenon is upon us again. This time it’s been dubbed Big Brother Revolution. I have chosen to do as I did last year due to your requests. Here’s the  alkaholik perspective on the housemates.


My favorite housemate and unfortunately the first one evicted. This dude is fresh and is so funny, he’s the kind of guy you want to have at the monthly houseparty. He’s also the likely partner in crime when you do some messed up antics that get you banned from the local.


I love that this guy provides eye candy for the girls and so I give him his props but that’s where it stops. He’s otherwise too boring for. He can only be useful for pulling chicks at the bar, and then I can take over the entertaining bit. We can have a symbiotic drinking relationship.


Naija boys are taking over so this dude can be the best to roll with in order to get into clubs free. He raps so I could probably claim he’s M.I. once I throw some stunners on him. I can see myself kicking freestyles with him and jacking his brilliant t-shirts.


AKA Gari Kubwa. Paloma has the quintessential traditional African body. With an infectious laugh and smile the only downer would be when she tells everyone to stop drinking at midnight when Jonah has just started hooking us up with free cocktails!


She has some serious DSL’s. She loves Jay-Z so that’s cool but she strikes me as the gold digging type especially the way she’s always quick to deny this. I could booze with her at the crib but not at a bar as she’ll probably order the expensive shit and you know Bella don’t play that!


She is uber confident which I like, no, love! She is the kind of girl that when you have by your side, it commands attention. She knows how to handle her drink and the only downer would be buying her numerous cigarettes. She’s super connected too so you can expect to mingle with the uppity class.


Very laid back and knows his booze but is a serious manipulator. This dude is the kind who’ll have the table laughing earlier in the night but fighting each other by the end of the drink plan. I wouldn’t hang with him and a bunch of volatile people.


The twins who all the girls think are disrespectful to women. I love Erastus’ weird stories so I can definitely picture hanging out with him on numerous drink sessions. His brother, not so much. However, I would never pass out around these two because they may pull some white boy shit on you (picture a carrot up your ass).


The white boy. I have some professional issues in common with him with regards to radio and so we can bond over that. When it comes to drinks, I wouldn’t let him tag along when we hit joints frequented by the ladies of the night coz we’d have to beat them off with a stick!


The boss bitch! I mean that in the nicest way possible. This chick is hot and she wears the trousers in her relationship with Jeremy. I can’t see myself hanging out with her as she’ll dictate everything from the watering hole to home time.


She can play a mean guitar but then claims to be saved and is kind of shy. If her twin is the direct opposite of her character wise, I’d rather hang with her.


This is the one you’d take to the club when you want to dance. She can shake it, No long ting! Bad drinking partner though.


Now this is a girl I would love to have a drink with. Her voice may be annoying but damn, I can see us getting up to some serious debauchery. I hope she gets that money!


He’s a DJ so we can gel over the music. However, he’s a martial artist and I abhor violence and exercise. I don’t see any drinking prospects with this one coz like most DJ’s he doesn’t drink excessively.


The model, definitely instrumental when you need a date for one of those cocktails where the guests are mostly white people, like at that German ambassadors’ Kikwetu gig. That’s it!


I can see myself drinking myself to a stupor as she regales me with stories in her portugese accent. She was evicted on the 1st week so didn’t get to know her.


The politically conscious rasta! I can never have a drink with this guy. In Maina’s words, Never Ever! Don’t get me wrong, I am a pretty conscious brother……..when I’m sober then I need a drink!


I loved this dude’s Rick Ross beard but he strikes me as the kind of guy who’d get his feelings hurt by my insensitive jokes. I may have beers with him but no Waragi coz I’d be talking so much shit, the bartender would need a pooper scooper!


This white girl struck me as the kinky type so it would be crazy to get high around her as it may result in some tantric sex!


I love her being the new generation of mixed race Indian Africans. However she stays talking about her tattoos! We can bond over a shot or two but nothing heavy.


My second favorite housemate and now that Teddy’s gone, the one I’d like to see get the cash then Mzamo. I like him coz he can be very funny when he wants to and looks like he can party. However, he is a poser, at times pretending to know so that he doesn’t come off uninformed. I see us tearing down East Africa!

Barrack that vote! Don’t let Hanni be evicted! Vote Here!




Posted in Alkahol, Hip Hop, Misadventures on October 7, 2009 by Saliva Vic

“Life is better, now that, I’ve found you” – Norah Jones on Q-Tip’s Life Is Better

I watch the credits roll up the screen at the end of the Filipino soap I just finished watching on one of the local channels. I mute the TV and turn up the volume on Q-Tip’s Renaissance that I just pressed play on in the CD changer. The night time is the best time to enjoy the music I think as I throw back a shot of cheap brandy. It hits the back of my throat and works its way down my gullet as the effects go straight to my head. I need a cigarette.

I grab my menthols and a matchbox. Pausing the music and switching on the lights, I make my way down the stairs. I try not to wake anyone else, walking on the tip of my toes as the wooden staircase creaks with every step I take. The clock on the wall says that it’s half an hour past midnight as I turn the key to unlock the door and I step outside. The night air is divine. I take it in as I pull the door shut behind me. It feels as if the darkness cleanses the air of all the pollutants that are present in it during the light.

I take a seat on the garden chair that stands on the concrete that was once green and spark the cancer stick between my lips. I drag; inhale, exhale and watch the smoke vanish into the air. Funny, it’s kind of like the memories of friends that I have had & lost or lost touch with over the years. I recall only a handful now. The blame may lie on a number of things but mainly the drugs that consume the memories but stimulate inspiration. All the places I have been and all the things that I have done all I ever retain is the experience. I may not recall minute details but I vividly remember the feeling.

The wind turns the pages that lay before me reminiscent of life’s experiences. The night then becomes deathly quiet as the cars have stopped whizzing by on the highway. The moon disappears. The cigarette burns down to the filter and my high comes down. The inspiration stops. The night breeze no longer hits my face as if to say that the wind has gone to sleep. Sleep. How I long to sleep. I’ve been out here long enough.