Of Old Broads Getting Dressed

“I ain’t payin no admission/ Sticky Fingaz I can’t even pay attention” – Sticky Fingaz (Stating the obvious)

It’s been forever since I’ve written and I’ve truly missed this. The reasons behind the hiatus are that I have been in between employment opportunities with a bit of bad luck consecutively but I’m positive and keeping my head up. The other reason is that I haven’t been drinking much due to the economic predicament that I find myself in and as the blog is called Alkaholik Kronicklez, there hasn’t been much to chronicle!

That’s neither here nor there for now coz I’m back now with broke sober views on life and various things that I observe on a day to day. Let’s take for example today, I left the box early so that I could get the internets café early before the rush that leads to service slower than snail mail. I got myself together, fresh to death and headed out into the city. I got into a matatu with quite a few good looking girls in it including my girl K-Dub who is a ten, the end! I get the back seat coz I usually prefer to sit at the window on the left side, these matatus get real stuffy as you sit in the traffic jam on Uhuru highway and I need my air!

I am a fat brother so I sweat a lot and real easy too. Anyway as we come down Lang’ata road the matatu picks up this woman who had to be about fifte fae (55 for the slow ones) and she comes to the back seat and sits next to me. I smile at her randomly just as a show of courtesy coz she seemed a bit uneasy and unkempt. After about 3 minutes this old broad starts to rummage through her big ass handbag (tool box) and takes out some underarm roll on deodorant. She then proceeds to lower her blouse and rub it into her armpits like she was digging for gold up in there.

I am in shock and I quickly turn away to avoid any eye contact with her sagging breasts god forbid I go blind or vomit in my mouth and then proceed to choke on it and die! As soon as she is done she pulls back her blouse and I relax a bit but then the old broad digs through her tool box and breaks out the make up and she starts putting on her war paint while we’re held up in traffic on Uhuru Highway. This isn’t so bad so I just watch her in awe. The lady then combed her hair and then tied it up with a great hair band in a lovely soulful manner.

By now she has made the transformation from crazy looking broad to presentable lady. Then I noticed the sagging teats and the continuous rummaging through the tool box. I put 2 and 2 together and came up with 22! She was searching for her bra! No way was I going to go blind or choke on my own vomit before realizing my dreams so I urged the conductor to drop me off at Agip before she started putting on her brain the mathree!

I got off in time and didn’t look back lest I turn into a pillar of salt! I really need to perfect my driving so that I can stop using public transport. But on the one hand I gave that old lady props for managing her time spent in traffic well.

Pamoja!!!!

Advertisements

9 Responses to “Of Old Broads Getting Dressed”

  1. ya yeeehhh..uko na shida na sio ya nguo

  2. p4wn3d Says:

    “I am in shock and I quickly turn away to avoid any eye contact with her sagging breasts god forbid I go blind or vomit in my mouth and then proceed to choke on it and die!” hahaha you guy ive chekad the end whaat ur life is mad comedy bro, good to have you back we should schedule a drink up had one with AJ she’s a crazy woman now we add you up and we can drink out the shelves pamoja!

  3. ---Supreme-G.R.E.A.M--- Says:

    Lol! What a life u got brother.

  4. onetreehill Says:

    Dude, I have laughed myself to tears. I thought boobs elicit juicy thoughts, but then again, it depends on if they are erect or sagging.

    Reading through this post, na sio in bad taste, she must have come from a sexcapade. Lol @ tool box – those bags are unsightly.

  5. HAHAHAHAHAAHHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!

  6. damn! mama ought to get her own car! *cringe* at the fifty fae year old breastices.

  7. I don’t know whether to laugh or cringe.

    Reminds me of the time that a corpulent, elderly female invigilator sat at the front of the class facing the class in such a manner that her corpulent, elderly thighs and granny pants were visible to all that were seated at the back of the row.

    Nightmares are made of stuff like that.

  8. Havent had a matatu ride in ages. Need to hav one to get ingredients for a new post.

  9. Yo Bella! That mama wuz doin the walk (matatu ride?) of shame. Lol.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: