Archive for February, 2009

Detox, is it practical?

Posted in Alkahol, Misadventures on February 26, 2009 by Saliva Vic

“Overdose at christmas and give it up for lent/ my friends are all so cynical refuse to keep the faith/ we all enjoy the madness coz we know we gonna fade away” – Robbie Williams

I was just listening to good old Robbie on behalf of my cynical catholic buddies who are busy updating their status (or is it statii) on facebook and Twitter, talking about how they will abstain from all things sinful for 40 days yet they know that they will be with me at a bar grabbing some women of loose morals partaking in drugs and eating all animal meat tomorrow if not tonight!

I have never fasted and I can’t lie and say that my detox programmes were ever a success. The only time I don’t drink or eat is when I can’t afford it! My only success was 5 years abstinence for sex and for a drunk fat guy that can be wuite easy. It’s not like girls are beating down the door to lay me now is it?

This got me thinking, is detox/ rehab really practical or does it just make the craving worse? I know for a fact that the universe will always tempt you when you decide to quit the drink for a week or two with all sorts of offers from your pals. That’s the time the miser from the pub down the street decides it will be a good idea to buy you unlimited drinks. It only leads to a series of fortunate/ unfortunate events that will result in you breaking your fast!

I am not trying to encourage anyone to give up on what they have started, if any, and neither am I throwing lent under the bus. All I am saying is that detox is setting yourself up for major fail! But in the event that you succeed then three cheers to you and we can all proceed to overdose then detoxify all over again.

Speaking of detoxification, I will be detoxing myself due to the recession as pretty soon I will barely be able to afford a Kane Extra at the rate the economy is getting fucked up. Due to this circumstances I must.

Pamoja!!!

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Kubhatiwa Bombe!!! Bashment…

Posted in Uncategorized on February 23, 2009 by Saliva Vic

“All this drinkin gon catch up/ all this smokin gon catch up/ but some niggaz just really don’t give a fuck” – Ludacris

Hey everyone that reads this blog! Sorry I don’t update as regularly as I should but what are you going to do? You will take what you can get right? If you follow the blog then by now you know that I like getting smashed more than the next guy. However, this past weekend I finally came up with a name for getting wasted out of your mind! Bashment!

Let me explain, at the local there is this dude called Bash who is like half ethiopian and other half somali, a rather nice chap who has a love for porn and electrical gadgets. Bash has issues talking swahili and his accent makes things sound so funny. When he wants to buy alcohol he says, ” Bhatiya yeye bombe”  instead of “mpe pombe” or whatever you may.

This phrase has been taken to mean getting jwizzed to the max especially when you’re not buying the booze.  I call it Bashment. Last saturday I was going to stay indoors so I curled up in bed with a good movie (watched Slumdog Millionaire for the 4th time) and a bottle of Napoleon 24 Carat Gold Brandy. Fast forward to 2a.m. I get a phone call from my girl 3 Nipples.

She tells me to head to the bar where she and some girls are chilling. Being a very loose goose I left the box to go to the bar only to find that she had left. All was not lost though coz I got to the local and the bar tenders were closing down and they wanted to share their booze. All I remember is that we got really drunk and headed to my mom’s house where I carried away a sufuria of chicken.

Yes you read right, picture a grown man in a mathree with an open sufuria of chicken! How the matatu guys didn’t refuse to carry me is beyond me. Everyone just looked at me like I was deranged. I woke up on Sunday and continued the bashment with drastic consequences but that’s a story for another post.

Bhatiwa Bombe!!!

Hip Hop Stays Winning For Losing!

Posted in Hip Hop, Music, Women on February 13, 2009 by Saliva Vic

“Back in the day it was okay to fuck with me/ now you say the wrong shit niggaz hit you up for me/” – 50 Cent

Today I woke up in a bit of a lousy mood and got to work soon as I could to try and work on some scripts before I had to get down to my real job. I wasn’t feeling creative so I decided to check out what’s hot on the internets and so I headed to Byron Crawford’s blog only to find a post that was titled, “My favorite dis record evar”.

On checking it, it was none other than Fiddy going hard at Officer Ricky. Now on the one hand I think that 50 is being childish with all this picking on the fat kid in class who’s trying to be cool. I also feel Rick Ross Officer Ricky is trying to hard to be the cool kid to fit in. The nucca got exposed and should have gone down somewhere in Miami and retired.

Both this rappers to me have been dropping sub par material the past 3 or so years so I don’t really care but this record is the mother! It reminds me of when 50 came out and smashed Ja Rule with that “Back Down” record. So hip hop wins for losing in this case i.e. stupid childish beef results in stellar record.

The beat is killing me! Great production! Play it, it’s over for Officer Ricky!

Pamoja!!!