Archive for January, 2009

Stay Positive, I don’t mean HIV!

Posted in Music on January 30, 2009 by Saliva Vic

“My dream is to fly over the rainbow so high” – Jaba

I will let you in on a secret, having a steady girlfriend or being in a relationship will hinder your blogging. I realised that the times I rarely wrote were the times I was in a relatuionship. Ever since that ended I’m writing again, the blogger’s block is cured. Don’t take this however to mean that getting laid gives you blogger’s block. Relationships do.

I think it’s in part that if your gilrfriend reads something incriminating in your post it could spell the end of your steady pussy relationship. That’s not the topic of this post though, I am writing about being positive and I mean the good kind not the HIV kind. I have developed a positive outlook on life and its fantastic! I’m still the hater you hate to hate but just more positive.

I believe that if you manage to stay a whole day having nothing but positive thoughts or at least very few negative thoughts then the universe automatically rewards you with positivity! It’s the only way and I believe the universe can do this in monetary terms or in kind.

Therefore due to the sad situation pertaining to my bank account, like there’s ever a joyful situation when it comes to my bank account, I am staying positive that somehow this weekend will still be filled with food, booze and funny friends!

On that note, let’s dance!



Drunk Answering…

Posted in Alkahol, Misadventures, Women on January 29, 2009 by Saliva Vic

“Don’t call me no mo/ don’t text me no mo” – Project Pat

I have been going down memory lane a lot the past couple of days as I tried to get back the hang of how it used to be so easy for me to approach a blank screen and just lay out a funy story on it. It led me to one of the first posts I wrote called, “Drunk Dialling“.  However, just the other weekend I experienced the exact opposite of that, Drunk Answering!  

It just so happened that I happened to be enjoying the sweet nectar from Industrial Area (I’m surprised I can make still make rent) as I sat in The Box watching a funny movie with one of my girlfriends when a call came in from a strange number at around 2330hrs. I wasn’t drunk yet but I was quite a few hundred millilitres into the drink.

I picked up the cellphone in the sexiest tone I could muster:

Bella:   Yo!

Hot Voice: *In an American Accent* Hey Bella, what you doing?

Bella: Watching a movie and sipping Napps. Who’s this?

Hot Voice: I’m your biggest fan, I read your blog and you know me from fuck facebook.

*At this point my paranoia kicks in and I start to think it’s one of my ex girlfriends pranking me*

Bella: Bullshit, I know that’s you Hot Ex, stop playing.

Hot Voice: Who the fuck is Hot Ex, sounds like something I’d call a dish cleaner, this is not her!

*Just then a hotter voice on the phone*

Hotter Voice: Yo! Why are you being so mean and you’re so nice to me on facebook, commenting on all my pics.

*I figured at this point it should have hit me that it wasn’t a prank call but the liquor wouldn’t have me believe that.*

Bella: Yo! I know this is Hot Ex and I need to get back to my movie, so are yall gonna let me do that?


So the hot voice girls hang up and  I went on drinking while watching that movie “Fool’s Gold”. The next day when I was sober and my mind was clear, as soon as I logged in on facebook I knew exactly who the two girls were but alas it was too late as they had disconnected the number and left the country.

I was left feeling really sad because 1) I don’t go to clubs much where I would have definitely run into my favorite internets queens and 2) I was intoxicated on the sweet nectar from industrial area to the point that my paranoia was heightened.

That was my first real regret from drunk answering. The second when which led to a lot of bullshit drama I will save for my grave.


Hip Hop: Greatest Therapy In The World!

Posted in Alkahol, Hip Hop, Misadventures, Women on January 29, 2009 by Saliva Vic

“I mean after all the things that we’ve been through/ I mean after all the things we got into/ Hey yo I know of  some things you ain’t told me/ Hey yo I did some things but that’s the old me” – Kanye West

I may be a big Kanye West fan from back when he did the beats on the classic record that is Jay Z’s “Blueprint” but I am not a big fan of  808’s & Earaches Heartbreaks or at least I wasn’t until yesterday.

I first picked up this record because one of my friends told me that as much as Kanye wasn’t rapping on it and the fact that he sounds completely assinine doing the whole vocoder bit like T-Pain doesn’t meen it’s a horrible record if you check the lyrics. My friend was of the school of thought that this record was brutally honest when it comes to heartbreaks.

Now it just so happened that me and my babe broke up in Decemeber bu the reality of this break up didn’t really sink in until yesterday when she decided to cut off all ties with dear old Bella. As much as the break up was a result of both of us messing with someone else on the side I always felt it was more my fault as I am an incorrigible flirt.

I was feeling down and so I decided to do what I do when I’m feeling down, breakout a big bottle of brandy and get wasted. Then I rememebered my friend’s recommendation and put in 808’s and Heartbreaks and by God in no time I was feeling better I was relating to Kanye’s lyrics on most of the songs on that record.

I didn’t even need the alkahol! As much as sonically, 808’s and Earaches Heartbreaks may be horrible. Everybody goes through this and Kanye just made a record that will help heal a lot of wounds. To Babe, if you read this, I wish you only the best because you deserve it.

If you read this blog religiously thanks and bear in mind that every year I write one gay post and this may be the gayest since the KD* post and don’t expect another one. Since we’re all straight here check out these pics. I love bald headed women.