You Ain’t Gettin Chips’d In 2009

“She said jigga man you rich take that doo rag off/ hit a u-turn ma i’m droppin you back off/ in front of the club like Jigga why you do that for/ Thug nigga till the end/ tell a friend bitch/ won’t change for no paper plus I’ve been rich.” -Jay Z

This weekend I found myself hanging with some new friends who were very intersting charachters. All we did for a couple of days was getting extremely sipped and chopping dimes. At least most of us. I was chopping the dimes this weekend just got my drink on and now I may be sick but its nothing a little OJ can’t cure.

Anyway we were discussing mad issues when the topic of Chipsing came up. Now to Chips someone is to pick up a girl from the club for a lay that night and it got touchy on what some of these girls, Chips Funga, are quite dodgy. This led to my new pal JK aka Jina Kubwa showing me the following note he posted on fuckbook facebook to quite some controversy.  

Disclaimer:ths note doesnt represent my views
1.If u you cant speak english. Me always asking you somethn in english n u reply in Swa wont be allowed.When ur palz u rhumbad wit call u askn where u r u reply in some hard sheng like”me niko aire morgan nilikwachuliwa na buyoz flani ubabini”

2.If u can speak English but u exposing how far from Nairobi uve lived o studied..i mean calling thursday dhazday is a no-no..calling wednesday wenesday instead o wensday is allowed even me i do that but dhazday. Then this people have a tendency to say my “siz” instead o my “sis”.Shows ur RUM RURAL URBAN MIGRATION bt cn also show if the babe z rich,u grwn up in a farmhse in outskirts limuru,kiambu,redhill,tigoni!

3.If you lookin langaish..u may not be a langa but u lookin langaish azin brown braids, mingi makeup,mingi cosmetics in ya purse,n a tattoo(langaz aford ths nwadays),..ethopians,somaliz ts a no-no coz 85% o dem in hurlingham who club r langaz n you wl only find em in redtape n black d coz Izoh in qz cn detect em too

4.If u know the whole universe..even if u r moto it irritates me..sana sana ths happens 2 nairobi dendais who r the slash type’/’ azin model wit clasic models/doing activation for novida,smirnoff/usher at bba eviction party n idols/failed at an advert audition/faild in wingu la moto n tahidi high auditions/tryd out ktns yu presenter reality auditions/doing a track wt jomino/student at daystar azn i hate those babes on the rhumba knws dem guys n babes..then rich guys who r bila game to kula dendais their own clas,have kulad ths type

5.if u never check if am strapped..after ave chomoad kiboko n uv jus spread uko nt cncerned if ave downloaded kaspersky antivirus or not it worries me coz u prolly been kulwad bassanga aka raw by other people n me i ogopa ukedi n al sorts o coughn diseases

6.if u extrmly fat..azn i like chubby bt xtrmly fat aka obese am sorry..am 2skinny n my role aint to raise self esteems.

7.if u feeling too smart i wont ng’ang’ana or fuatilia..ati pickd u up,went for drnks we sipped,hit the club then hapo u feeln clasy so i nunuad tequilas at 1st u nt too sure wt to do wt da salt or vn maybe u were on point n acted da part den i uliza u so leo wasup n u like i dnt do randoms…ok am easy n i lenga u stl wana hang out wt me hmetime stl wana go hme wt me…ati evn if ul gve it up al have to jitetea 4an hr n prv i penda u..u knw what in 2009 its never that serious..coz as sun as i pickd u up4drnks n we nt close frnds do u thnk was caln u coz i needed help cmpletn a sudoku puzzle.

8.u from south c!say what u wanna say but ave been robbed twice in the cox by dendais from south c..one my 3ngwaa the ada my ipod nano il even add TRUESTORY

9.u remove stupid comments like am codered…stupid the same way eustus cals courage stupid in the cartoon courage the cowardly dog..when u say u codered i tell u am blackstar n we dnt like codered so bounce..matatu to tao walk up the road youl c em cz evn my ngata ishad wn we arivd digz

10.cant chibo an alcoholic..in the morning tryna make me feel guilty n shit wt stuff like what happened to me..stupid when in reality u evn chuckd ya clad solo wt no help..pole if u cnt handle ya drink in 2009 not me No!

Sorry for the text message english that the main dude JK used but I’m too lazy to edit that shit for yall so decipher the message or blow me. Only then might I decide to do something about it. Otherwise good luck chipsing, as you can see from the lyrics above, not chipsing when you believe in it is alright.  

Pamoja!!!

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10 Responses to “You Ain’t Gettin Chips’d In 2009”

  1. and the FUNGA gospel is told… u guy just ratted out millions of guys in the clubs… by stating the truth….lol

  2. thanks to my boy JK….the truth shall be told mayne!

  3. thinnaddict Says:

    u’ve exhausted all the Nairobi women types that exist.. you’ve told it like it is.. Lol!! @ Izzo can always tella langa when he sees 1.. no wonder Qs is free of ’em…but the thing is chipoing is a woman thing now, move over!!

  4. Wow!I can actually classify most of my chiq pals using the above listing,how I wish many more would read this post ‘ndio wajue JK amewasoma’

  5. ROFFLE @ finish sudoku puzzle! hahahahahahaha!

  6. Yeah, this does sound like JK. Lol @ activations for Novida!

  7. yep JK is something like a comedian….

  8. “Something like”? The dude cracks us up yani mpaka we are starting to think he needs to see someone.

    You should see his muppet show rendition using kitchen gloves!!! And he does the voices and sings the theme tune at the beginning and at the end!

    Too funny!

  9. P.I.M.P Says:

    This JK who purpots to be me…anyway, chipoz for 2009 nallus! I suggest y’all make the switch…straight jackin’ saves you that mad cream!!

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