Follow the bottle…

“Follow a dollar to the corporate offices/ Follow a dollar and you’ll find corpses” – Noreaga

I got to the work at the ass crack of dawn as I always do every morning so that I can have at least an hour on the internets before I have to start working on the plantation for the man! I went to my favorite site and found the song whose line I have quoted above. There is no better way to start a day than some soulful hip hop music.

The concept of the song is to follow a dollar that you have in your hand aand trying to trace back where it came from which got me thinking, (rare occurence, I know!), what if I followed an empty bottle? It just so happened that I saw a bottle of Kane Extra on the streets with some glue in it. Let’s have a look.

The plastic bottle starts its journey in the Dandora dumpsite where a bum picks it up and trades it to some unscrupulous cat that makes fake booze. This dude then runs it under a tap to get it clean, prints a Kane Extra label together with fake KEBS sign and slaps it on the bottle. As the glue dries, he brews some concoction that is a mixture of ethanol, some dead cats for taste and a splice (is that a word?) of Tropical Mint to conceal the dead cat stench.

This is then poured into the bottle and using some thingymajig creates the seal on  the cap and carefully taoes the KRA sign that he has been taking off legit bottles courtesy of his job at the liquor store. As soon as this is done he sells it to Mack, my friendly slum bartender, who in turn sells it to me on those days that I need to drown my sorrows and disappointment!

I down the sucker in 10 minutes and go into a trance which involves multiple nightmares and night sweats. The next morning I toss out the annoying and now empty bottle only for it to be picked up by that cobbler that fixes my messed up shoes so that he can fill it with gum to sell to a street kid.

The street kid gets it, sniffs it and in his highness decides it will be a good idea to harass this harlot looking lady outside Taco’s only to discover that she has ties with the bouncer (probably his little sister) and so he gets an ass whipping delivered at no cost immediately. The bottle falls out of his hand as he runs off battered and bruised.

I see the bottle in the morning as I pass outside Taco’s oblivious to the fact that my lips were on it about a couple nights ago until I sit down to type this. Now if I put this in rhyme form wouldn’t that be a killer record?

Click here to listen to the inpiration.



17 Responses to “Follow the bottle…”

  1. i think its safe to say that your writer’s block is gone!

  2. hopefully lola…..

  3. Bella now ur officialy BAQ SOn … CLAP FOR YOURSELF

  4. @Bella by the way any idea of how to know which ones fake or not b4 tasting it

  5. why the hell did you quit in the first place.. i’m addict.. Whatever IT is you gat IT dude!!!! never thought of that cycle that way, and to think i drank mad Kane extra at Mombasa Beach!!

  6. @vipp3r, i know about Naps… the one in the plastic bottle is the illegal one.. the glass bottled one is the real ish!! dont know much about K.E other than its fucks u up and leaves u with the!!

  7. yeah help us on the fake n not fake liquor coz i cop my ish from the backstreets of the city… n the price is alwayz good.. else this is a timam post like those movies that begin from the end… awrite!

  8. wanted to ask is there illegit famous grouse.?

  9. Hahahaha my guy thats funny after takin kane 4 4 years u shoulg be able to diffrentiate btween origi na fake

    2 vipp3r to get the difference physically just hold the kane bottle upside down b4 openig at the centre if u notice anythin whittish just know this is what happenned a broker down in riverroad bought like half a pick-up of Kane extras went to a warehouse, took some boyz with him each with a syringe i.e a doctors syringe prick the bottle while held upside down directly a the middle. syphone the original kane extra to like a half then fill it up with some changaa from mathare valley or some where in kibera. After that the hole created is sealed with super glue. Hahahaha n thats why guys in riverroad are always high while the others are always rich.

    Just think about that.

    @Bella just try right about Mr. ssssssssssss who got high n found him self somewhere ear the land of Pinnaples, hahahahaha

  10. the backstreets are legit…..the workers ther steal the KRA stamps….the fake ones always taste stronger and the labels 9 out of 10 are really badly placed and they are sold in the mtaani bars not the tao ones….even backstreets….

  11. @kappy…where is the land of pineapples…lol!

  12. thika thika polite!

  13. @ kappy good lesson sounds like some shit u have tried…

  14. only you can think that way bella

  15. Y’all have just made my day. How do you know about all this booze imitation unless y’all are involved in it. Thats why I keep away from the cheap stuff. You’ll never find an imitation of ‘Tia maria’ (bless the person who came up with the name) My advice is lay low on the cheap stuff. Don’t get me wrong, I occasionaly down naps and many other stuff I don’t want to know during one of those bashes you are handed a cup as soon as you walk in. You know it would be rude to ask whats in it. Anyway love your blog man.

  16. Hey, I buy legit stuff. With the price tag attached to them. Lol

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