Liquid Diet

 

“All this smoking gon catch up/ all this drinking gon catch up/ but some niggaz just really don’t give a fuck/” – Ludacris

 

Now I was conversing with one of my girlfriends who is in hospital the other day and she told me that she was on a liquid diet before her surgery. My immediate reaction was:

 

Bella: What the fuck? I need to get myself sick and camp in here with you!

Bunny: What is wrong with you! Have you been drinking?

Bella: No, but if they are going to let you get drunk before a surgery, I want that shit too!

Bunny: *slaps me on the head* This is not your kind of liquid diet you alkaholik, I just can’t eat any solids dumbazz.

Bella: Aaaaah! All this bar talk has gotten me thirsty. Happy surgery!

 

So I left Bunny and hit the bar for my daily dose of medicine and as I sat there at the counter I got to thinking about my version of the liquid diet. The liquid diet is when you consume a lot more alkahol than you do food. There is the extreme liquid diet and the moderate liquid diet. I never recommend the extreme liquid diet to anyone unless its over a 3 day weekend where recovery can be done on the 3rd day. This is because the diet can cause serious physical harm like death or going to rehab and you know how sobriety sucks.

 

The diet also differs with what type of alkahol is being consumed as the liquid diet causes either weight loss or weight gain. Those mofos that drink beer and are on a moderate liquid diet tend to gain weight while those that drink spirits on the liquid diet will lose weight. Other conditions that the moderate liquid diet leads to will include:

  • Blackout Bobbing: This is where the individual will pass out involuntarily at any place even when not drinking.
  • Tongue Impotence: The individual loses his/ her sense of taste with time.
  • Date Amnesia: The individual rarely knows what day of the week it is.
  • Sexess: In cases where the liquid diet is practiced by a group of male and female friends then the chances that they will lay each other quadruple (see BBA 3). There could even be group sex.
  • Death by Liquid: This is where the individual falls into a coma where he/ she may sleep for up to 36 hours.

 

The other conditions are too minor for me to mention on this blog. Therefore friends and enemies if you subscribe to the liquid diet I subscribe to this is a regular thing to you and you’re yawning your ass off at this post. For the rest of you, what are you waiting for?

 

Pamoja!!!

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4 Responses to “Liquid Diet”

  1. I love blackout bobbing!!! I’m ready!!!

  2. Its soo deadly men!! More links through facebook brother.

  3. You seriously need help

  4. Deadly

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