Random Ridiculousness!

“Before you learn how to rhyme/ you better learn how to add, its mathematics/ – Mos Def

 

I wanted to write about my birthday but then about a paragraph into the damn thing I got bored. Then I wanted to write about hip hop and then again I got stomped. I have therefore decided to just start typing and whatever ridiculous thought that comes to mind goes down on the page. The other day it came out that Rick Ross used to be Mr. Johnny Law. This would have not really been an issue had Ross just shut the fuck up and let the blogs have a field day with it to the point that these bloggers have actually pulled up stuff on Ross’ mother and shit. Either way it provides for great humour when you’re bored in the office as I am. Everyone’s making jokes about it.

 

The other thing I have noticed is that I have weird mannerisms, behaviours and beliefs. I know everyone will act a certain strange way time to time but mine are the ones that people will always comment on when they see or get to hear about them. Let me share with you a few:

 

I never go to church….at all.

I used to go to church up until I was 18 when I got disillusioned by all the different religions that there are and yet He is only one God. Ever since I decided that I will not let myself be drugged dragged into their bullshit and will instead pray to God on my own. I don’t believe in religion I believe in God.

 

I pray in the bathroom in the morning over a basin of water.  

As some of you may or may not know I live in a box with no running water which means that every morning I have to do what my boy The D.I. calls “the squats” i.e. I bathe in a basin/ pail of water. Before I do so every morning I pray to God before I touch the water. It’s just a weird habit I developed. It’s so serious that whenever I see a basin it reminds me of prayer.

 

I crap bucky nekkid. That’s butt naked for all you Lil Wayne fans (read slow negroes)

I went to a good boarding school known as Ditchez. Good school means that it was like a prison where teenagers are treated like the little pieces of human garbage that they truly are. We were tortured in all manner and form. Even enjoyable stuff like eating became terrible due to the food they served. Anyway the toilets had a stench that would stay on your clothes for hours so we always stripped down to our boxers before we ventured in to do our thing. Ever since those years I strip down to my boxers whenever I want to take a crap. I will walk in with clothes, yes but before I sit to do the dirty, I have to strip.

 

I have this thing where when I get drunk I want to eat hair.

This will however only occur if I am in the presence of a Nubian or Asian queen with authentic 100% made by God hair. I get drunk then I just find myself being lured towards taking a good clean healthy bite of her hair in the attempt to satisfy my need to include hair in the diet. I don’t even know what nutritional benefits hair has if any. Some people have called it a fetish, but I beg to differ, I think it’s just a drunken compulsion.

 

These are but a few of my quirks, I would have put down more but I’m too lazy to continue writing. I have given you enough fodder for you talk about on your boring date with the office accountant named Felicitus.

 

Pamoja!!!  

 

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7 Responses to “Random Ridiculousness!”

  1. “clean healthy bite of her hair..” thats a festish just like my boy had one for jackin mami braz back in campo when he got high! by the time we cleared he had a stack full of em.. u aint alone.. in the category of people with the drunken compulsion.!

  2. Spielberg Says:

    Bella, i’m loving it. That was some hilarious shit i jus read. Keep up with the shit dude!!!

  3. Spielberg Says:

    i even thought the hair you bite off when drunk is that hair below her navel.

  4. there’s this guy i know with a fetish for peeing on people.. not only gals.. just random, loose people any chance he gets high!!!!! he makes your hair fetish look saintly!! mmmh!!

  5. ^^^wewe!!
    Bella: 1. You need to find a new place to stay!
    2. Hair fetish is just weird!
    3. I’m feeling you on that ish about spirituality…

  6. Shit, I thought I was fucked up, haha..j/k, this is some good stuff man

  7. lol. now shit is starting to fall into place! lmao..

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