Lil Wayne Can Totally Smash Your Chick…If He Was Straight…

“She’s my friend she doesn’t judge me/ she has no idea I’m ugly/ So I’ve absolutely nothing to hide/ Because I’m so much prettier inside/” – Ceelo of Gnarls Barkley

Its been a hot minute since I decided to blog about anything. I just kind of lacked the inspiration needed to constantly write for free for a bunch of clowns who’ll in turn call you an alkaholik wanker. It’s kind of like being a teacher, a thankless job really. However thanks to a few friends I think I’m being inspired again and so I will put my finger to the keyboard and tell you about a little observation I made earlier this week.

I was lounging in my humble abode that I will from now on refer to as the box, just sipping on some good stuff some sweet sweet J&B and masturbating holding my nuts. I decided to cruise tv land as I can’t access the internets from the box. Now before you dudes start to think that I’m on some kind of DSTV shit I’ll have you know that my set can only get up to four channels so it wasn’t like I was spoilt for choice when I had to pick between some crappy news about the middle east, an old movie I watched a hundred some odd times, a sitcom that I couldn’t hear a word of on account of the static and my arch nemesis…Lil Wang Wayne.

Lil Weasel Weezy performing live for his fan club was what I ran into on KBC and I had to pause and watch because of two reasons. First, I caught his set just when he was doing lollipop and I wanted to hear him without the vocoder and see how absolutely rubbish it would be. The other reason I decided to watch this little performance was at the outrageously female dominated crowd. As a matter of fact I don’t think that there was a dude in the audience. Its like Birdman was jealous of his little plaything protege finding a jump off and ordered that the fan club only let in the girls.

I figured that there would be some good looking broads in the crowd for me to ogle while Lil Wayne was croaking in the background. This ended up to be a invalid reason coz I could barely make out the girl’s faces, what with the cameras staying on Weezy except at only one point when my eye caught a girl with a ridiculously large bottom (those girls from the south could give Kenyan girls competition). Anyway what surprised me is how much the girls were screaming young dude’s lyrics. He was performing lollipop which by the way he pulled of quite well without a vocoder partly because he sounds like a troll on Sweet Menthol of course.

What was particularly amusing was when he got to the part where he says, “hit it hit it like I can’t miss” he did this thing with his groin that looked like he was tip toeing while someone had a leash on his shlong! The girls went nuts! That wasn’t it though I start getting into gayboy’s antics and next he’s doing leather so soft and he has a guitar with him on stage and before I know it he’s strumming the hook. Not that he was any good, he sucked balls but the surprise was that he can actually play a little bit. I used to think the syrup got him retarded. As if this wasn’t enough, the boy would pull another fast one on me. He started talking about his favorite ho guest verse which he said was the verse he laid on the remix to Shawty Lo’s Dey Know.

 Now I don’t mess with the radio so I had no clue that there was a remix to this song and what surprised me the most was that as soon as the beat started knocking seriously and he jumped off into the verse, the girls were screaming his lyrics louder than Lil Woody Wayne was. I haven’t seen girls react like that since LL Cool J, and with Uncle L it was coz he sang for the ladies and was really good looking. But the gremlin? Could it be that gay dude appeal? I mean they think he’s their equivalent to my Rakim. Nullus.

That’s when it hit me that we need to be thankful, as men, that this guy gets pounded in the bum by Birdman and that he lives on the other side of the globe. That’s because at this rate, the boy can lay the pipe in any woman who has the capacity to listen to the radio and watch television. The man would smash the daylights out the head of your little girlfriend.

So all in all I believe that the troll aka gremlin’s performance deserved at least one thumb up…what do you think?



10 Responses to “Lil Wayne Can Totally Smash Your Chick…If He Was Straight…”

  1. If Lil’ Whistle were Kenyan he’d be Nasty Thomas. Gay, devoid of skillz and yet somehow capable of drawing hordes of b****es. But since Kenyans are such haters, its probably best for his career that he’s on the other side of the Atlantic.

    Welcome back though. Mpango Man Chapter 2 will be out soon!

  2. Run the nullus thing by me again… As much as ur there gaybashng weezy u 4get in the hiphop circles, he’s a god by his own accord. I watchd last years b.e.t hiphop awards where the best n the legendary hiphop notables congregated n the thng was weezy came out lyk the 3rd best winner of the nyt nxt 2 t.i. n Jay. Gr8s lyk Kanye left with zilch, amongst othaz.. The point is gay don’t make the gud music, the man does.. Its eitha u hav it or u dnt. N weezy does.

  3. Spielberg Says:

    Masturbating nuccaaaaaaa. . .damn man, I missed your hoopla bubbly shit. Good to see you took your hand out of your drawers and onto your keyboard. Your writing is vivacious, raunchy, sexy, provocative and down right unapologetic, which is a true reflection of what kinda a guy you are (am not gay). It’s like a stab of adrenaline to the heart, especially on this fucked up weather. Keep wanking on that keyboard dude, coz that gushy drip I read is what I like.

  4. bellasbiz Says:

    @jeff…thanks bro…dudes here should read your blog its the ish….just click on his name…

    @ogato…bet is responsible for the demise of hip hop so they are not an authority and lil wang’s music is horrible…

    @spielberg…thanks and you’re an eloquent writer though you tend to!


  5. bellasbiz Says:

    oh yeah…nullus is short for nullus homosexualis…no homo…its latin…


  6. lil woody is doing big things….haha u mad!!??

  7. Weezy Fucking Baby!
    That dude is very very boutros!

  8. George Elton Michael Says:

    HATERS.. the industry is gearin up for openly gay acts.. Adam rappin about Steve..

  9. boyfulan¿ Says:

    you defended your point well, and the your insecurities too, but i always wonder why we have to hate.

  10. bellasbiz Says:

    @George elton michael…all i’m saying is son needs to come out of the closet…

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