It Is Officially In Vogue To Suck Balls!

“To emcee requires skill, I demand some shown” – Black Thought of The Roots

Yesterday was a pretty busy day for me at work. I had numerous client visits to handle and I was exhausted by the time it was four in the afternoon so I decided it was quitting time. There however was an incident that led to the 4 o’clock qutting time. My boy Jay and I were in the loo and I was in one stall while he was in the other. We were chatting as we handled business and he was simultaneously sending some money through M-Pesa on his celly. Now if ever there was an example of men not being able to multitask, this was it because the next thing I heard was Jay screaming that he had just peed himself!

The dude concentrated on the phone and peed his pants, I therefore had to get his jacket to cover it up and we sped home in his car because we live in the same neighbourhoood. This shit was funny because all the way there he kept bitching about drivers on the road with no sense of urgency. I reminded him that not everyone on the road had peed their pants and needed a change. I should have called him Diaper boy.

After laughing at his expense I went to the local for some R&R. As I sat there sipping my drink and watching this show called The Beat, something occurred to me as these random monotonous videos kept coming on, it has suddenly become fashionable to suck balls as an artist these days. Now don’t get me wrong, I do not mean to say that they perform the sexual act of ball sucking (an act I particularly enjoy if its done on me) I mean that they make music that sucks. I’m talking about really really bad music!  

Picture this, they started with that God awful bar tender song by T-Pain that always sounds to me like the kind of noise one would make when constipated, then Rihanna’s umbrella, do I even need to comment on that one? Rihanna is the most successful no talent hack of all time. She’s the queen of no talent. I was watching in disgust but little did I know the worst was yet to come. I see R Kelly appear on the screen and I get excited because Kellz is gifted then I see the title of the song, “Hair braider” this makes me think bartender like T-Pain and that’s when it happened.

R Kelly started singing and all I heard was T-Pain. The mofo was using a vocoder on that Auto tune bullshit! Why would R Kelly do this? It gets worse because not only does he sound like T-Pain as the video progresses he looks like T-Pain. The dude has decided to adopt Goldilocks style and dyed his braids gold like a Sisqo with long hair. I don’t even get a chance to get over the R Kelly thing because this video by Sean Garett comes up on screen. For those who don’t know, Mr.Garett has written numerous number one R&B songs from way back for the likes of Aaliyah, Missy and a whole slew of artists. The mofo starts singing and guess what? He sounds like T-Pain too. By now I almost choke on the drink at the mere thought that T-Pain might have just become the most influential artist of the 21st Century!

When we set the bar so low is it a surprise that the best you get is Akon & Rihanna? I really feel that artists need to get back to making good music, if not for themselves, for the sake of the artform. R&B has been dead but damn! Let me not even start on rap music. I’ll save that for another post.



One Response to “It Is Officially In Vogue To Suck Balls!”

  1. They suck and then they suck and then they suck some more! Get used to it. R&B is dead n buried!

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