Celibacy Is Hard!

“When we riot they don’t care about the dollars lost/ they sippin cocktails while we throw the molotovs” – Akrobatik

I haven’t written in a minute because I’ve been job hunting, boozing and listening to top notch hip hop like the song I have quoted today, Front Steps Part II by Akrobatik. The song is on the album Absolute Value and is arguably the best written rap song this year. The lyrics carry a strong message to all youth regardless of where you’re from. Besides being a conscious brother I have been trying hard to fight the urge to get back on the sexual horse. As some of you may have known I practice celibacy, for those that do not have a command of the English language that means I do not have sex. At all.

This has been hard due to the fact that I am a flirt and that means that most of the time I can charm your girl off of your weak pimp hand. Let me give you a brief scenario. I was chilling at the crib just sipping a six pack of Guinness that my girl Malaika had just copped me when I started text-flirting this girl called Ekay that I had been acquainted with for a while now but was proving to be quite elusive. I had been out with her once but when I leaned in to kiss her she had turned away. She had spotted me sometime when I was feeling down and she wanted to come over for lunch to cheer me up.

I could have told her that all I needed to cheer up was a lot of booze and two big booty girls shaking in front of me, all free of charge. However, I’m not stupid, so I saw an opportunity of playing kissy face with Ekay. I quickly cleaned up the crib and lay in wait for Ekay. Once she arrived I warned her that I live raw. Since no one comes over to the crib very few people know that I live raw. I use this term seriously, I live on bare essentials, no luxuries like toilet paper or running water and guess the first thing that Ekay wanted, to wash her feet and pee.

Looking at her purse I could see she had no space for toilet paper so I asked her to pee and drip dry to which she absolutely refused. I therefore took the little money that I had and bought the toilet paper. The meal was kind of alright because I had prepared some fried cabbage and like 6 pieces of meat and lots of onion in the stew but I didn’t have enough flour to make ugali and no money to buy some more but she didn’t mind. She was that cool and gave me props for living in self imposed poverty.

A few minutes into conversation after the lunch from rawness we started kissing. It was all good, we kept kissing and talking then I don’t know what happened but we started getting hornier and shortly clothes were coming off. I couldn’t stop myself, I just wanted more then she stopped me and asked if it was true what people said that I was celibate. The answer was yes and immediately she put her panties back on. The reason for this was that she was not going to be the woman who makes me break my celibacy.

We laughed about it as we got dressed then she admitted that she had wanted to have sex and was possibly going to at the party she was headed to. I later that night got really drunk and passed out. Back to reality.

Pamoja!!!

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8 Responses to “Celibacy Is Hard!”

  1. Tihiihihi!!!! No toilet paper? Bella, that’s a little extreme! So do u do ur shit the A-Rub way?

  2. Im for Bohemia but dude!! so u wash with water like the Muslims or what??

    Celibacy is a bitch but i love it!!!!! Makes u feel like ur the boss…i know it does me…yes KD* is celibate to and a vegan and recycles!!

    Welkom back!

  3. yes i wash my ass with water…kd* i know you’re not a vegan…you eat chicken!

    pamoja!!!

  4. HAHAHAHAH Dude, these posts rock more than kenyanblogger!

    U guy ur nasty, mpaka toilet paper? Kumbe last time you patiad us the edited PG version, ng’ombe wewe

  5. dude!!!!!!!so no toilet paper, no running water….so i hope you do wet wipes…ok if its for climate change, saving on the water & paper etc…you deserve a place on bolder giving!!!!!or what is it?????Do you take donations??????

  6. bellasbiz Says:

    yes please…i do take donations…

  7. Spielberg Says:

    Aw. . .too bad the only thing you did that night was literally fucking yourself. Man, you really are a ng’ombe. How dare you give us PG-13 and we want R. NC-17 is way better. If you were here right now, I’d kick your ass. But I got mad love for you bro and for the blog. Keep it flowing.

  8. Assuming there was no pun intended in this posts’ title, I’ll have to agree. Its almost as hard as restraining from Alcohol. I’ve tried both

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