Blackout Bob

“The people don’t come coz you grandiose mothafuckaz don’t play shit that they like” – Random voice on a Roots record.

Of late I’ve been trying to cut back on the dranks and for a while I was succeeding until last weekend. I was a model citizen and even my people were beginning to envy but then I knew it was only a matter of time before I was back to being a member of the club called Blackout Bob. Blackout Bob is a club of drinkers appropriately named so after one drinker called Bob who was famously known for passing out after sipping one too many Naps at Al’s. Blackout Bob has since left the fraternity but the club keeps on recruiting and I happened to be one recruit.

On Saturday, I didn’t sip even one drank during the day as I was busy debating whether to go throw my hard earned money away in Crooked Q. I got to the local and sipped on half a Napoleon then went to hook up with The Pimp who was chilling with this girl that I like. As we got sipped and the crowd got bigger I started to itch. I was not feeling so good. There was a pit in my stomach and I was craving something. That was when it hit me, I had to sip on some Naps! It had to be immediate man! I deliberated the issue with my boy Militant and he agreed that we needed to sneak some into this club.

I got the fix and we sipped it in turns with Militant. Seeing as we had to leave for Crooked Q I downed the bottle on the ride there as I needed to drown out the bullshit music that the boy JM was playing in the car. The dude was playing that 5 Star Stunna and we were on our way to Lil Wayne night which just made me feel even more depressed because those niggaz can’t rap for shit! Oh boy was I in for a surprise. When we got to Crooked, my head was reeling from the direct injection of Naps and the women. There were so many girls and they were all flirting with your boy right here.

The music was great, they were actually not playing any Lil Wayne songs and I was so happy though Stalin was pissed. Before I knew it we were guzzling more beers when BOOM! I passed out, I was Blackout Bob. The Pimp looked out for me so that none of those bouncers threw me out. I was only awoken from slumber land when DJ Kaydee came on to do a set on the decks. That brother can play some good music. If you don’t feel DJ Kaydee you should consider killing yourself. Seriously.

I awoke to find myself surrounded by a bevy of beautiful women. Some were The Pimp’s groupies and the rest were just hot girls looking for great company which I am pre and post blackout. We chatted and danced then left the club for some parking lot pimping at 6 in the am. We got sipped on a bottle of Richot that we had in the trunk and this was a bad idea as it led to Militant banging the car on a post and losing the indicator light.

I guess I can’t fight myself. Blackout Bob for life.

Pamoja!!!

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One Response to “Blackout Bob”

  1. They need to take u back to rehab n this time check ur luggage at the gate, the incompetent bastards!

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