Things that make you go hmmm…

 “Gangsta rap-based filmings/ became the buildin blocks for children with leakin ceilings catchin drippins with pots/ Coupled with compositions from Pac, Nas’s It Was Written in the mix with my realities and feelings/ Living conditions, religion, ignorant wisdom and artistic vision/ I began to jot, tap the world and listen/” – Lupe Fiasco.

If you are in my age group i.e. an 80’s baby, then you may recall this really crappy dance group in the 90’s that churned out quite a few hits then. The group was called C&C Music Factory and one of their songs stays playing in my head till today when I witness some weird azz ish when I’m out and about in the city. Even though the track was about cheating, I relate to the chorus different. The song is the title of today’s post. I was at the local the other day and I witnessed the following events that had me going hmmm.

There I am sipping and talking my usual bullcrap when there checks in 4 ladies. They look like they just got off the bus from the bundus, all lesos and ish except for one who’s in jeans and a tasteful top. That’s when I saw what my eyes were never meant to see. One of them was mad old and gravity had taken its toll on her titties. Those things were damn near touching her waist! The woman was rocking a loose bra that provided little to no support. I was temporarily blind coz of that ish. We need to get some ads on KBC right quick that talks of the wonders of errrr…Wonder Bra. The push up bra is not only for those with small azz titties and need a boost to lie to dudes that they got cleavage, it is the ultimate support bra for the elderly. Hmmm…

I kept sipping then I heard the most abominable laughter from another old chick from outside, then she shrieked, “I always have to tuck my tummy in coz of you men! “. Now personally, I like me some love handles/ beer belly/ mike (don’t ask) on my ladies. A little protrusion of the gut straight turns me on bruh! I have a tummy fetish. I can explain further but I am scared you might never log on to read this blog again. So ladies if you were thinking about getting a tummy tuck or you suck your tummy in when there’s brothers around or God forbid, you’ve been hitting the roller to try and tighten that gut up, STOP NOW! Bella likes the gut and so do some other fools I know.

The last thing that came to my mind that day at the bar was that the first doctors and pharmacists were indeed straight witchdoctors. Can you imagine the guy that invented surgery? I mean how does a brother sit under a tree and figure that cutting into the human body can actually make it better. He must have been communicating with some spirits after several bong sessions puffing the most potent herb. Hmmm…

Case in point. My finger was rotting and I was contemplating going to the doc with my no cover having azz but stopped at the chemist to buy Elastoplast (that’s band aid, just in case I am one day read by a foreigner). The dude then laughs a sinister one and goes to the back, only to emerge with a container with white witchdoctor dust and a colour of soup looking healing agent that he pours on the wound and then straps the elastoplasts and tells me that by the time I remove it I will be all good. Guess what? I am all good now! Imagine the dude who first did that ish, drug addicted witchdoctors I tell ya! Hmmm…

For even more laughs go to this link:

Lastly, those of you who voted, thank God today that you live in Kenya coz you got to pick who you felt was the best leader. In Pakistan, they murdered someone that had the country been given the chance, would have been or not have been elected back to office. We will never know coz they murdered Benazir Bhutto. Rest in peace ma. Choose peace today.



One Response to “Things that make you go hmmm…”

  1. Ay man, thanks for posting the 10 ComMANMents!


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