I was eaten alive!

“I swear the feeling’s  good as chillin with an ice cold beer” – Blu

I love this city, Nairobi is the ish! I walk around the streets and all I see is beautiful African queens and princesses. I have to give it up to you lovely women of Nairobi.  I am not a guy who thinks that living is the ish but for Nairobi women I am willing to wake up and see another day. That, and the warm days cold beer chemistry (Common, anyone?). Now that’s a terrific feeling man! I remember when we would have ice cold pilsners from 55’s on a hot thirsty Thursday. That was the ish. But the way I felt last night was the opposite of that brothers and sisters. Last night I was being eaten alive!

Now don’t get it twisted, I wasn’t getting oral or being chomped by the neighbour’s disgusting Rottweiler, about 20 blood suckers had decided that they had hit the motherload. I am talking about mosquitoes. I thought when you move away from a large stagnant water body (Dam) you leave all these suckaz behind but I was wrong.

I live in a small crib with one huge window, I like to think of it as a loft but some prefer the term SQ. I say whatever nigga! The problem comes in coz I can’t sleep with the windows shut, I feel claustrophobic, the same reason I can’t sleep with a mosquito net. This means that when these dudes decide to pay me a visit, my doors are wide open. I usually sleep through it when I get home drunk as hell, but there are those occasions, like last night, when you have just the right amount of Napoleons. The side effect of this is that you will wake up sober as a judge at around 2 in the a.m.

When I woke up they were humming all round me so I was like, “No problem, let me just play The Inevitable Rise and Liberation of Niggy Tardust, the beats on that album are noisy! “ That went well, I couldn’t hear them anymore, but then they started attacking. There is this one bugger, I’ll call him Sneaky. Sneaky kept surprising me in my ear and irritating the crap out of me. Let me give you his tactic, I would be lying there trying to get back to sleep thinking about Saul Williams’ lyrics on Trent’s beats then “zzwwinng!” right in my ear. At one point, Sneaky damn near got into my nose.

Then there was his partner, Percy, this dude was persistent. Do you know the way you can shoo away a mosquito that’s buzzing round your ear? When I did this to Percy, he just kept coming. At one point my arms were just flailing up my left ear. These two bastards were keeping my arms busy coz Percy was on my left ear and Sneaky on the right. They were like Robert Freeman and Mo Gunz from The Boondocks! However, I did not realize the main agenda till later. While these two kept me busy the rest of the army were harvesting my blood from other parts of my body. I sleep in the nude with no covers so they had a large surface to harvest from!

Some of them died though as I rolled over and cruched them with my huge mass unknowingly. There’s bloodstains everywhere, I got bumps on parts of my body I can’t mention and Sneaky & Percy are alive somewhere out there. They better not think they will survive the next round coz I will be coming with DOOM! They better go ask Louis the pest!



One Response to “I was eaten alive!”

  1. We are naming mosquitoes now? This is an early sign of psychosis, just saying.

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