I love Nairobi I hate the clubs in it

“I love hip hop I just hate the niggaz in it” – Phonte of Little Brother.

I am typing this and leaving some watery substance on the keyboard on account of a blister on my index that my genius self decided to burst. Eeeeew…How was I to know you shouldn’t burst blisters. This is the result of a burn I got while drinking Sambuca flambé. I had set the bitch on fire ready to down the damn thing when some shorty started talking smack and made me forget the drink, so when I reached for it the fire had become hot and it poured burning my index in the process.

Anyway, I was reflecting on the past weekend that I went clubbing. Now I love bars but I do not feel clubs that much. See, I started raving when I was 15, by the time I was 20 I had pretty much grown tired of the club scene and I just go out when it’s a special occasion or to roll with my brothers. Matter of fact I am planning a sipdown with my bros sometime soon with a couple of girls. I digress. Let’s look at some of the clubs I frequent in Nairobi.

Rezorus aka Rez: Not nearly enough room in this mofo and it gets packed. The VIP section is a lot cooler, especially the fact that there is no entrance charge and usually plays much better music than the main club. The crowd at the VIP is the usual posers and a few famous people then people with money.

Red Tape: I visited it for the first time this weekend and I love the layout. I went there on the strength that it’s owned by the same dude that owns Club Soundd. The bugger made the mistake he did with Soundd, he’s too cheap to kick in for an A/C. It’s so hot in that bitch that JM took off his top when we partied there! I didn’t get to see the strip show though. Bugger!

Carnivore aka The Voo: The mother of all raves. This club never gets old. The rock night is crap due to the djs Ben and Chops who seem to be stuck in a loop playing the same stuff they played back in the day. But the club in itself is on point. It holds mad memories for me and just the other day I met Namtero and declared her a dime piece in this very blog. I just hate that their beer prices keep fluctuating.

F2 & F1: If you want to go to a club that plays reggae and has some of the hottest hoz you will ever meet, then F1 is the place to be. F2 has the langaz too but their reggae night is not as dope as their sister club. I hate the way it is highly likely for you to lose your ish if you don’t watch who’s around you.

Club Soundd: The lack of an a/c off course is my beef with this club but it has one of the best crowds to mingle with. It was also the place where I fell in love with Eric Wainaina’s and Abby’s music. It is also the same club where I hooked up with one of my favorite jump offs of all time and we ended up making out on the staircase. The security dudes are also very friendly.

Pavement: The main beef with Pevu is that they charge exorbitantly. It’s like being mugged in a polite way, that’s how my man Smitta once put it. Otherwise this rave has a killer design and great dance music. I can’t hate on this one too much.

Ale House: The beer there the last time I went was 100/-! I was thoroughly shocked that there is a club in westie that charges that low for a pint. Loved it though at one point the music got dodgy. The crowd is mad live, young working dudes who just need to while out, the management is the ish and beer is a sok! Knowing westie clubs that bei will go up as soon as the joint gets popular no doubt.   

I feel like skiving job and going home now so let me end this there. Come back tomorrow for a funny story coz today I’m not feeling funny at all.



One Response to “I love Nairobi I hate the clubs in it”

  1. 1st of all its hoes n not hoz,

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