Free Drinks!!!

I don’t want to blog on Monday rhyming like the great MC Rakim said, “It’s been a long time/ I shouldn’ta left you/ without a strong rhyme to step to/” so I decided to do one before I go off into the wonderful world of binge drinking. I walked through an arcade today and I had an idea, this is big coz that rarely happens. I saw those guys from a bank who are there to try to sell you accounts and instantly I got the proverbial bulb over my head. 

A great way to get people to stop, look and listen and possibly, no scratch that, definitely open accounts would be to have these fine gentlemen and ladies posing on their tables with six packs of Tusker and crates full of Pilsners, White Cap, Sminorff Ice and not to forget bottles of Vodka, Whisky, Rum and all that ish. Kenyans love their drinks. I can just play out the scene in my mind right quick. 

I am strolling down the arcade worried about money for a boozer plus food when I hear from nearby soft music, it’s T-Pain “Can I buy you a drink”. I approach the source of the music like a moth to a flame. I then realise 3 immaculately dressed ladies and a gentleman seated next to the speaker from which the joint is coming from. I move my eyes to the left to get the gentleman out of the picture and focus on the ladies when BAM!!! My eyes instinctively catch a glance of the mad pints sprawled on the table they are seated at and now it’s like a trance. 

At this point I am concerned with one thing only, get me some of that alkahol! The ladies welcome me, asking me to have a seat and offer to pour me a drink. I immediately reply in the affirmative, grab a seat and start sipping. The hotter lady starts some small talk asking me what I know about finances and various products that her employer offers. I am obviously at this moment agreeing with her on everything such as the advantages of having one fixed charge every month instead of charges on every transaction that I make. I knod knowingly as she pours me another drink which I down quickly. 

I am now tipsy and that’s when the forms come out and the lovely lady regrets that she can’t pour another drink till I have a look at what the bank has to offer and possibly open an account. Let’s see, I am tipsy (an alkaholik’s achille’s heel I may add), I am looking at a mind numbingly fine honey, What do you think I told her? I said HELL YEAH! I mean if they treat me like this in the street, how will they treat me in the bank? They probably have strippers on poles and ish! That’s what the f*** I call a customer service! 

Free drinks is the marketing solution that most organizations, save for bars, need to look into. I mean take the example of cocktail parties, people do not go to these things to hear aboutyour new product, people come for the free drinks, f*** the food. I was once invited to 2 cocktail parties on the same night. This reporter and I went to the one we were interested in more first. The people were okay but walikuwa wanapimia keroro, so we left for the other. At the second cocktail where they were discussing things we had no interest in we took interest coz there were drinks galore. The booze was flowing so much that when the event was well over and the hotel management were asking us to leave, the marketing director for that company refused, arguing that we had to finish the drinks. The coverage the reporter gave for the second function was deadly and we learned something to. 

Let’s have a round of applause for those that offer free drinks to get us to do their bidding. On that note, have a lovely weekin’ and if you know me and read this blog, get me some free drinks! 


P.S. To those of you who love hip hop, check out the new Talib Kweli, Ear Drum. The joint is fire, he has truly made me believe in hip hop once again. “Hip hop ain’t dead/ we just took a vacation” – Jean Grae. 


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