Don’t shoot the cashier

“Was interrupted by this chicken that I used to cluck wit/ back in the day when I was movin much shit/ what up chick?/” – Jay Z.

Today I got up feeling worse than two dogs that had been left alone with DMX and Michael Vick. I was hungry as hell and ready to eat any gotdamn thing. So when I got to work and my boy Pee echoed my sentiments we decided to go to drink soup in a big azz mug with a chunk of meat in the middle pamoja with a couple of chapos. That should hold us till evening at least, so we are walking the streets when this girl approaches us, eyes fixed on Pee. We pause and she says hi, then I move away, they exchange digits and he catches up. 

Pee then reminded me that we had met that girl at Ibiza last year. It was a campo chick (his specialty) that he okotad, chotad but never called. I remember after their one night stand he had gotten mad messages from shorty but dude never hollad back. She called, he didn’t pick up. Anyway, he has been hit with somewhat of a dry spell so when he saw her he got the digits to hit it this weekend so that he can get rid of the blue balls temporarily. Pee made me think of a phrase that I saw on Celebslam, Don’t shoot the cashier! 

Think of it this way, you roll up on a Caltex starmart totting a pistol and rob the register for the 4K that was in there, mistake 1. As you turn to leave, you then shoot the cashier, mistake 2. You compound a mistake you have already made with an act of total jeopardy. So don’t shoot the cashier, Pee in not contacting the broad did the right thing. Seeing her again would have probably ended up in some crappy relationship going nowhere. 

There is this one girl I met at a club and took home to hit back in ’00. It was a clean one night stand bila numbers being exchanged and shit. Wind the clock a year later, I am in campus getting wasted with one of the older dudes and loving it. A lady approaches us and sits down after pecking his cheek. I am introduced as she swears we have met before. I can’t remember so we get off the subject. When dude goes to the loo, she reminds me all too well that I had hit it a year ago! I was acting funny the rest of the night and when dude asked why, she interjected saying that I had hit it when they were on a break. Some mamas don’t know when to shut the fuck up. She got dumped! She sure shot the cashier with that one.

Then there was 22. I met her on a trip to Olepolos with the crew and a mathree full of models and wannabe models. She was the kind of girl that looked good with her make all professionally done when she was on the catwalk but looked kind of crappy without it. I wanted to hit her pal Ly, but she turned out to be a gold digging tease. Peep this, we are kissing leaning on the hood of some dude’s benz. If you know Olepolos, you know at night it’s dark as fuck! Anyway, turns out the dude is in the car and he steps out, some old geezer all iced out. He dares the mama to give me a hand job, which she does, very professionally I must add, coz she managed to keep my johnson in my trouser out of view but her motion was simply superb, then she stops and goes over to the grandpa and they exchange digits! Can you believe these girl? 

I anyway accept the consolation prize which was hanging out with 22 as we head to tao. In tao everyone goes into Tropez, I don’t. At that time I had been banned from Tropez, that’s a story for another day, so I suggest to 22 that we go to Giggles, where I received a warm welcome from Tom the owner and Mato my then favorite bartender (I hadn’t met Paul yet). After one drink she suggests that we go to her room in campo. The winner, was when she told me we could buy napoleons and rubbers from the shop right outside her room. For the next two days I disappointed the girl sexually. Due to my sub par sexual performance she nicknamed me ‘Half life’. 

Come Monday, she sent me a text that she broke it off with her jamaa and that she likes me a lot. She sure shot the cashier with that one coz I wasn’t exactly feeling her. Anyway little did I know that I was also going to shoot the cashier the next weekend by deciding to hang out with her for 2 days at my boys’ crib. The problem came coz she is a girl. You hit it twice, thrice then you are her jamaa. When I didn’t call or text for a minute, she called me an absentee boyfriend! I was totally shocked she thought I was her man! After a while she gave up on us I guess and got back together with her man. 

Have you ever shot the cashier? Tell me about it.



One Response to “Don’t shoot the cashier”

  1. this shit is one of ur best work niice blog men

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