10 Good Reasons To Keep Ruining My Liver

“It’s hard to be me/ it’s hard to stop drinkin” – Common. 

Dude I drank so much this weekend then I had mad dreams that when I woke up this morning I thought it was Tuesday! This combined with the fact that I spent the better part of Sunday morning listening to all the Common albums I own has led to my brain playing Common’s lyrics on rewind and that’s what led to today’s post. On ‘One two many niggaz’ off the album,’One day it will all make sense’ Com spits the quote above and I have come up with 10 reasons as to why I won’t stop drinking. 

1. Escapism: Sad but true, alcohol provides a means of escape from reality albeit temporary. Like the character of Wamala from the John Ruganda play, The Burdens, for a while you will escape from the harsh reality of life into a Utopia in your mind or numb yourself from the pains of life for a few hours. Man, that last line makes me want to tell myself “Jesus take the wheel”. 

2. Fun: Show me an event where there was alkahol and it wasn’t fun and I will show you the most boring person on the planet Earth. Even funerals are souped up once everyone gets a little Jesus juice in them. The fact that people get totally emotional when they are high just boosts a party as they whine, rant or just straight up show their azz. I remember this party we had in campus where I was so juiced up I jumped on the table and began to strip. I was only stopped by my disgusted pal. That was fun! 

3. Networking: Sipping is a fun way to meet people. All these companies are always throwing cocktails coz with liquor not too much can go wrong. I have met mad people at pubs, parties, clubs, everywhere drinking. Let me keep drinking and meeting these people as I continue my escapades that I shall be documenting in these chronicles. 

4. Creativity: I hate that some talented people have to use alkahol and drugs to enhance their creative side but gotdamn sometimes the liquor can be a great muse. I have written some very good poems and lyrics when on the juice. I am better when I am sober it’s just that the extra oomph in a punchline can be due to consumption of alkahol. 

5. Taste: Some mamas and few dudes have bitched to me about this one. However, I will say it again, I love the taste of alkahol. From Muratina to Guinness, White Cap light to Citizen. I like them all, vodka, brandy amarula name it. The only liquor I ever took and tasted absolutely horrid was Chang’aa. 

6. Guts: This one I put in coz of my dear old dad. He refers to drinks and the act of sipping, Guts. He claims that alkahol gives him courage to do and say stuff. I am a fairly open person when I am sober so this rarely comes into play. 

7. Leisure: When I am lounging at the crib after a day’s work nothing is better than putting on a great record like Blackstar’s ‘Stop hidin’ and proceeding to sip casually while Mos Def spits that infamous line, “There’s no in between/ we either niggaz or kings/ we either bitchez or queens”. Perfect leisure stuff. 

8. Sexual Prowess: There was one time 22 and I went to get wasted and I was on mad vodo. As you may know she used to call me halflife due to my misperformance. That night after the bar we went to bang and man I was pumping and not coming. Man that was the only time we had sex and she had an orgasm. I was so tired and the friction made my dick hurt. After that nighty she never called me Halflife after that. This has also happened another night I drunk mad napoleons. I think it’s a spirit time. 

9. Closer: The booze is just another step closer to the grave coz one day my liver will go on strike and it will be the death of me. Like Fif said, “Death gotta be easy coz life is hard”. I unlike most people look forward to my death. I welcome it. 

10. Jump Offs Galore: Most of my jump offs i.e. women I occassionally bang, I met at parties and bars when I was out with my pals. To continue meeting these jump offs I must keep sipping. Kesho we plan to prowl Ibiza for watoto with my sidekick Pee. 

Do you have any reasons to not kick a bad habit? 



2 Responses to “10 Good Reasons To Keep Ruining My Liver”

  1. We hare the same reasons pretty much. off to archives. Nice place yougot here.

  2. Every Monday I will swear that I’ll never drink again,at this rate I dont think I’ll ever say that again.Nice post bro.

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