My Celebrity Crushes…No Cam’ron

“I’m the best kept secret since the AIDS cure” – Phonte of Little Brother

I was lounging in the office today just thinking about random things like which one would I rather have sex with, a mop or a broom? That’s when it occurred to me all the odd crushes that I have had over the  years. I am not talking about those little kiddie crushes that last a week, I’m talking crushes when you’re good and ancient as myself and they never really go away even when rejected by the person. These thoughts in turn led me to think of the celebrities that I have had a crush on. I hereby give you a the top 5. A big “NO CAM’RON” precedes the following text.

NAMTERO MDEE

She obviously tops the list. This is because she’s the most beautiful of my crushes and she is the most recent one. I have it so bad for Namtero that on Facebook, one of my interests is to hook up with Namtero Mdee. I’ll be sending her IM’s randomly, cutting out her pictures from the paper and sticking those suckers on my wall, shit I’ll have my man whose paparazzi follow her and take pictures at events! I have it that bad!

JOHNNY DEPP

I have had a serious crush on Mr.Depp since 21 Jumpstreet! Back when he was Officer Hanson man! I couldn’t wait for Sunday evening when the show would come on. I would literally beg my dad to put it on if there was anything else showing concurrently. Of course, there would rarely be as there were only 2 TV stations back then. I am not gay but if I were, my dream dude would be Johnny Depp. The funny thing is I would never date a white girl for shit!

SANAA LATHAN

Sanaa…just the mention of her name makes my skin glow. I might have the meanest of mugs but just show me Sanaa and I’ll be smiling and looking fruitier than Cam’ron in pink! Brown Sugar is my favorite movie for two reasons, the beautiful story of hip hop and Sanaa Lathan. One of my least favorite movies is Disappearing Acts because of the scene where Wesley Pipes Snipes, gives her the dick! Karma is a bitch! See if he didn’t do a scene diddling my girl maybe he wouldn’t be going to jail right now. I almost kicked in my girlfriend’s TV set because of that scene.    

FAREED KHEMANI

I honestly don’t know why but I once had a crush on this dude. I think it’s the height and his “you ain’t shit but I am” attitude. This was short-lived however. It was kind of like the first time I drank Jack Daniels Tennessee Whisky, you get to hear all its praises, how good it tastes, how it knocks brothers out then when you finally sip it, it’s not all that! I’m not saying I diddled Mr.Khemani, I just hanged out with him at a party and he wasn’t all that, he’s actually just average.

 GRACE MSALAME

If Grace Msalame had Namtero’s face, that would be the perfect woman and if Grace Msalame had Namtero’s face that would be the perfect woman. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not knocking Ms.Msalame’s looks because shawty is hot, I’m just saying that Namtero is cuter face wise. Grace is buxom just like I like them and has a serious sense of style! I would watch Straight Up and just dream of sucking face with Grace. If I were the type that believed in marriage, this is the woman I would marry!

These are the top 5 celebrity crushes I have had in my life. If any of the said celebrities ever come across this little blog of mine just know that I’m just saying….

Pamoja!!!